where i intended.

the irony of my life never ceases to amaze me.

Source: waveavenue.com via Ashley on Pinterest

i up and moved back to rhode island for no apparent reason other than i was driving back from a weekend away and realized i wanted to find any possible reason to stay, so i basically did.

i applied for a job i didn't get, and then got a job i've wanted for years, if only for a temporary while.

i got sick, got admitted to the hospital for days for the first time since i was born, and really was reminded of just how much people care about me, even if i don't hear from them for months (or even years) at a time.

i moved out of my apt, into my own place and am happily surrounded by all my stuff, creating a space that for the first time, in a very very long time, is totally and completely my own.

i'm writing my own rent checks, which in itself is a huge deal.

i may be single, but atleast im not in a relationship anymore with someone who doesnt't value me.
i'll be ok with myself until i meet that special someone.

i've made so many new friends, and while the quantity isn't important, the quality of them is and i'm glad for that.

i've had a major boost in self esteem and leave the house telling myself im beautiful much more often than i do thinking im disgusting, despite the fact that i haven't lost those forty pounds i hoped to have dropped by now.

and today i found out that something special i've been working on for a few months was approved, and while i do plan on having a special post all about it, let's just say that my heart is completely and totally full of joy today.

so, i'm still a little lost in life, on the verge of turning 27, still looking like im 17, only sometimes part time employed. short as ever, but feeling more at peace with myself daily, and mostly totally happy.

it was a beautiful day, and i have a beautiful life.
thanks for being a part of it.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

Sarah

chapter...1ish

Source: tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Some may say this move of mine is really me taking two steps forward, one step back. Trying to go back to what once was.

And maybe I am. But I prefer to look at it as an adventure. A do over to live my life the way I had intended to live it before I let someone elses opinions change my direction and sent me on a course I was hesitant to take in the first place. because that chapter in my life is closed, and has been for quite some time now.

Last night, at my farewell shindig, I was talking with an old friend I've known since kindergarten who happened to be in town for the holidays. She has lived in many different cities and is now planning on moving again in may when she finishes school. She was telling us about how she picked this new city, despite only visiting it once during a long weekend, because it just felt right to her. She could see herself living a life there. It was one of those places that felt more like home to her than our actual hometown.

I know that feeling. That's how I've picked my places too. That's how I ended up going to college in providence all those years ago after only spending one day there, for a few hours, and only with the intention of attending an open admissions day and applying for the miami campus, but being miami was a plane ride away, driving to rhode island seemed more logical.

I went, and saw a possibility of a future there. I did end up visiting the miami campus a few weeks later, hating it and immediately deciding on attending the providence one instead.

Because that's how I make my choices. On a whim, based on a feeling. And it works for me. This move might be for a few months or it could be for a few years. You never know. Maybe I'll get a dream offer for a job in charleston, sc and up and go. Maybe I meet someone who changes my life and they want to move to austin. maybe i finally can save up enough money to travel abroad and end up staying in europe for a year, or two or three.  maybe, i'll bump into Prince Harry and he falls madly in love with me.

Hey, a girl can dream right?

The fact of the matter is that I made this choice and now i'm sticking to it. i'm going back to a place that I loved living in, love going back to, love the way i feel when i'm there. i'll give it my best chance, because really, that's what life is all about isn't it...taking chances? there's no guarantees that it will all work out, that i will be instantly happier, that everything will suddenly fall into place, but really what do i have to lose?

we were all given a life, and it's up to us to live it. fill it up. appreciate it and make it count.

so yeah, maybe my plan isn't solid. maybe i don't have all the details set in stone. but that's part of the fun of it all. it wouldn't be an adventure if i was completely planning on following a roadmap.

Source: blog.freepeople.com via Taylor on Pinterest

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

" i'm just practicing living in my new room"

a few gems i've gotten from the fam
since announcing my moving plans:

andrew wanders into my room with his books and starts moving my stuff to sit down:
 
"oh i see we don't even need an invitation
 to come in these days" -me
"oh since youre leaving im just practicing
living in my new room"- andrew

*****

"when you move, i'm gonna miss you like ugly girls miss the prom" - andrew

*****

"so you're going to take everything with you right?
i want the room empty,
i've got a wall to build" -dad

*****

" you know Sarah, you're friends aren't going to let you stay forever,
do you think they like you that much?" -mom

*****

"if they ask you to start on monday,
don't even bother coming back.
i'll just send you your stuff,
i'm already acting like you're there already anyway" -dad

*****

and the post i left on my best friend missys wall the other day:

"ok, here's my plan:

 1. i will get a job i enjoy going to

 2. i will get a second job to pay for extra things...like antonios and fatbellies

 3. i will lose weight, walk more, and drink more water...because i won't be able to pay for groceries, or gas and for my own well being.

 4. i will dance. and dance often. you dont have to pay for that

5. i will kiss boys. often. and enjoy every second of it. 

 6. i will pretend to be in college again with you and attend parties on oakland. think our greek discount will still count? alumni status? def.

 7. i will drive almost half an hour away to go to the beach and pretend it's completely normal.

 8. i will go to boston, to see our friends and have a dance party at the purple sham, since mollys & stings is now out of the plans.

 9. i will do every single fun thing the great states of massachusettes and rhode island have to offer- the random and cheesier, the better.

 10. i will tailgate at a patriots game, pay attention so i know what youre talking about at a celtics game, and happily wander around fenway to see the red sox.

 11. i will invite people over for home cooked meals, wine and good company. resurrection of my old norwood ave parties, just classier.

 12. i will enjoy every single second of the life im choosing for myself, even if other people don't agree and think i can't do it, even if i have to do my own nails and not go out for dinner, and think twice before buying another pair of sunnies or a fab necklace from forever, or sleep on an air mattress in an empty room for a few months because i can't afford to buy real furniture.

i might have to write this out and put it up for my every day mantra."

{ how's that for a game plan? }

andddd.....right now i'm back to writing cover letters and sending out resumes..talk about a serious case of writers block.

thank you to all of you who have sent me kind words through here, twitter & facebook. i appreciate it more than you know :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah