Friday, August 13, 2010

That was then..THIS, this is now

So I haven't kept up with my blog as I thought I would so here's a quick catch up:

I turned 25, and did, as i was warned, have an actual quarter life crisis. I sat around the weekend of my birthday wondering just exactly how I ended up living at home, back in college, with no idea what I was going to do with my life, states away from my boyfriend and my best friends, having to tell my parents where and who i was going out with, and wondering how i was going to stretch my latest pay check while my best friends were making plans to move in with their boyfriends, planning their weddings, loving their careers and basically living the life i thought i should be living. I wanted to go back to that life asap, needed my year to fast forward so i could get on with the plans my boyfriend and i had made for when i graduated: move in together again somewhere in boston, get engaged, invite all of our friends over for awesome grown up dinner parties, joint bank accounts, finding an amazing job where id feel fulfilled every day, another puppy, continuing our lives together again....and then he broke up with me.

Cry me a river right? should i have some cheese with that whine? yes, yes, i know what i sound like :)

lets just say my world got a little knocked off say the least.

so now i've spent my summer in non stop summer school, working, and basically re evaulating what i want for myself, my now suddenly completely open future, and every aspect of my life.

heres what ive come up with so far:

1. i do want to have a better, more positive view of myself.

truthfully, thinking i was going to spend my life with someone and then suddenly... not, has not done wonders for my self esteem. i am constantly questioning what i did wrong, what i could have done better, what i should have said, maybe if i had been thinner, prettier, know typical break up stuff. everyone under the sun has given me advice on how to get past this but its hard when you feel slightly broken, missing a few pieces.

2. i want to be around people who genuinely care about me

new friends, old friends, it doesn't matter how long you've known people, sometimes you meet people and you just know, they are your people.

3. figure out what I want to do after graduation and make a realistic plan on how i can make it happen

find a new job, pass my certification tests, look for a place of my own, save money, but most importantly: take chances

ok, so this is a short list but it's a start :)