two things

is it still socially acceptable to identify yourself as a 20 something when you're actually much closer to 30 than 20?

 

ehh.

 

i know i am not the only person i know out there who struggles on the daily about what i'm doing with my life. while many of my friends are getting promoted at their jobs, establishing their careers, getting engaged, buying houses,planning weddings, talking about dinnerware, mortages, potty trainings, grown up things.....i'm just over here thinking about my next move.

 

is that such a bad thing? i'd like to think that it's not so much that im behind in life. or hopelessly dreaming. i think my future is still being made, processed and designed, and sooner or later the pieces will all fall into place and i will wake up one morning and find that i am exactly where i'm supposed to be. in the meantime, i'd rather see my path as a never ending possibility. i may be single, but i'm not alone. i may not know what job i'll be doing in 30 years, but i do know i can find a whole bunch that i enjoy along the way. i'm not planning my wedding, but hell i don't even know how to go on a date so why jump the gun?

 

don't get me wrong. for those of you who are established and are actually real grownups as so many of my friends are, i might envy you, but mostly i am happy for you. i know i'll get there too someday.

 

but why are we all in such a rush? i feel like everyone i know is so stressed out from one thing or the other, and no one is ever really enjoying any part of their day. seriously, look at your facebook timeline. take count of how many of your friends are currently posting a status about how tired they are, how pissed off they are, how they need a vacation/newjob/new body/new everything.

 

how many of them are posting just to say hi to the world? how many are posting about the stranger who complimented them, or how theyre wearing their favorite shirt today, or how they spent five minutes sitting in the sunshine? how many of the posts out of your hundreds of friends are happy, content, inspiring, humble? i'm thinking it's a small number.

 

i'm guilty of this too. just an hour ago i posted a status about my neighbors and our garbage flying around in the street because of how windy it is. (it really is though, i hear things flying around out there and hitting the house!)

 

i wish we'd all just take time in our daily lives to appreciate the little things more. to take a moment to ourselves and just look around and realize all we have, instead of taking it all for granted, and waking up one day five years from now with no recollection of the wonderful experiences that have gone by. or maybe not wake up at all. you never know what tomorrow will bring, we all only have today and even that's not guaranteed.

 

..................

 

anyway, this post got a little off course and i apologize because it's 3 am and i woke up from going to bed early and now here i am wide awake again, but that's alright. i shall leave you with these two things i just stumbled upon for all you fellow 20 somethings out there:

 

a quote:

 

Your twenties are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground

 

and a link that i agree with 90% of:

 

21 ways you should take advantage of your twenties

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams,

 

xo

you might say i'm a dreamer.

looking for a job is a weird thing.

i basically want to say "hi, hire me please because i'm awesome and think this job would be pretty great and might turn out to be the job that causes me to sit back and say 'i love going to work every day!' and if that's the case, i'll put 110% of myself into it, because i appreciate this opportunity.

my skills include: facebook creeping, writing about random things, baking cupcakes and rice krispy treats, being crafty and pinterest inspired, singing along to the radio like i'm on american idol, making up recipes with whatevers in the cupboards, napping long into the day, making the most of a spot of sunshine, laughing at mostly everything, and sending cards just because.

Why would I be a good fit for this job? Well, i don't know. how do you ever really know how someone will be? really, who cares about what they majored in in college, or what degree they have. if you love the job you have, you'll excel at it, because it makes you happy. I have a teaching degree, but i love cooking so how do you know i couldn't be a successful chef just because i don't have a degree in it? blogging has become the outlet for my long ago lost writings i used to scribble down...so maybe i'm destined to be a writer? ( one that doesn't use capital letters, and lots of {...} ) or if i actually had all the time in the world to be as crafty as i wanted, maybe i could be one of those girls who starts up her own business selling the things lovingly made by hand.....or something like that.

my point is, finding the job you love shouldn't be so hard and for lots of people i suppose it's not. they've always known since apparently forever, what they wanted to be when they grew up. for me, it's not like that. i want to be a million things, and love every single thing i do. life is short, and i don't want to be someone who dreads going to work in the morning, and who counts the seconds until it's time to leave for the day. i want to be happy, use my creativity on an hourly basis, be someone who makes a difference in the life of someone else. i want to know that at the end of the day i have done something to leave a mark on this world. however small, however slight. one of these days i'll find that something that allows me to be those things, and be happy doing it. to some i suppose i seem flaky, always thinking of something else i want to do and be. maybe it's because i've been encouraged to think i could do anything i ever wanted, maybe it's because of all the books i've read, the ideas i have, the life i've imagined for myself. maybe it's because i am afterall, a dreamer.

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams,

 

xo

something borrowed & something new: a letter

I was in third grade the day my oldest niece was born. It was the week after my birthday, and I remember standing at my locker and thinking that morning, when my teacher was doing morning circle, I would have the most exciting news to share, and I would definitely end up being the Star of the Week, because my news was so completely awesome.

Anyway, cut to the here and now. My niece is getting married today. Actually, she got married a few weeks ago, and today had a ceremony and a reception for friends and family.

and I was not there.

and it is literally so upsetting to me that I cried about it a few days ago while thinking about what I'd say if I was.

I know some of you are reading this and doing the math, and wondering to yourselves how it is possible that I have a niece who is now married. or maybe you're reading this and not really caring about the details. or maybe no one is reading this at all. that's fine either way, but I guess in this moment, her age, and mine for that matter,  really aren't necessary to talk about.

I think right now what I want to talk (write?) about is what I would say to my niece if I could be there, on this her special day.

My dearest, first little lovebug,
I know you may not be getting the best reaction from everyone when youve shared your news, and I have to admit, because I've never really sugarcoated things with you, that I did not immediately react so well to it at first either. I was worried, I was surprised, and I guess a part of me still is. and the only reason is because I love you, and I've always only wanted what I thought was best for you, which is silly, really, considering I'm your Aunt, and can barely figure out what's best for myself, let alone think I know what's best for other people...but you know what I mean. I always had this idea of all the things you'd do when you got older, and the things that we could do together, once you were all grown up. I think I saw us having the kind of relationship your mom and I started to have when we reached an age that the age gap between us didn't matter anymore.

and now, after i've gotten used to the idea of you making such an adult decision, I've realized a few things: 1. You are an adult! you're not the little girl andrew used to swing in the air anymore. You are smart and kind, and a wonderful young woman who is fully capable of making her own choices, and in this grand adventure youre about to embark on, well, you have the right things in your heart to carry you wherever you will go. It's not up to me or anyone else to tell you what to do anymore. Like my dad always tells me, my parents taught me as much as they could about values, ideals, how to know right from wrong, and all that other stuff about how to be a good person, and now it's up to me to do what I will with those lessons. It's that same thing for you. You are your own person, not a little girl anymore. You have hopes and dreams, opinions and ideas. and I believe that you will continue to grow into an even more wonderful woman than the one you are right now. and 2. just because you've decided to make this huge, life changing decision, doesn't mean all the things I hoped for you are not possible. If anything, they are ever more possible. because now, you've got this amazing partner to support you in every choice you make here on out. You have never been alone, but now you have someone who is along for this journey with you, as your equal, your other half, to help carry your burdens when they bring you down, and also share in your joys when they fill you up so much you feel like you might burst with happiness.

I remember meeting Dakota the night he asked you to be his girlfriend and thinking to myself...jeez this kid keeps calling me ma'am a lot. I remember you telling us all about him, and then when I asked him to sit down and stay awhile at your dinner table, he was so polite and answered every question I asked him..with respect, and honesty. He didn't pull his phone out to text people, and he didn't give me one word answers. After he left, I thought to myself...what a decent guy he was, how polite and hardworking, and how he was respectful to all of us from your mom to your brother, and most importantly, he looked at you like he would sit at that table for hours answering my silly questions, just to spend more time sitting with you.

And that's the most important thing. at the end of the day, you have found something that most people search their entire lives for. I don't think I'm much of a relationship expert, considering my track record isn't stellar... you've seen it yourself-- but I do know what it's like to be in love, to love so deeply it's like you've given a piece of yourself to someone to hold on to because your heart is so full. I believe you and Dakota have found that in each other, and together. You may be young, but that doesn't mean your love isn't any less real than it would be if you were my age. or ten years older than me. I believe that what you have will just grow, and the two of you will grow together, and stronger for it. I so wish I could have been there to witness this day, to stand with the rest of your friends and family and share in your joy. We all wanted to be there, I hope you know that, and understand why we couldn't be. Papi said it himself, as a parent (and a grandparent) you want to be there for all the important things, and even the not so important ones. But especially for the first things, because nothings as special as experiencing your loved ones special moments. And missing his first grandchilds wedding? that was something he never thought he'd have to miss. Please know that our hearts were there, even if we couldn't be.

I am wishing you so many things, more than I could possibly list-- a lifetime of happiness, a home filled with laughter, memories that will carry you through any distance that separates you, hearts that are open to the differences that may arise, kind words that lift you up in the darkest of times, and days that begin and end with you both feeling as in love with each other as you do at this very moment.

Congratulations lovebugs, and welcome to our family Dakota. love you so much! xo

...and somehow that turned into a very long open letter to two people who just taught me a thing or two about what love is supposed to be like. funny how that happens sometimes. join me in sending many happy wishes to the newlyweds :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

just a spooooon full of sugarrrrr

so...it's no secret that i have slight add when it comes to finding myself gainful employment.

i just happen to like to do a lot of things. A LOT. i like to consider myself a jack of all trades.

i cook. i read. i write. i craft. i have dance parties.i bake. i sit in the sunshine. i play uno. i love kids. i collect sunglasses. i like to meet people.i bake. i like to buy things. i like to do my nails. i like to hunt for treasure. i like to learn things.

...i like to do a lot. yep. soooo

i have a food service management degree.

i have a resturant management degree.

i have a teaching degree.

...and i would really like to be a modern day mary poppins.

is that ok?

i want to play with kids, and teach them manners, common sense and how to be kind and good.

i want to be a part of what makes them happy. i want to explore and have adventures, and be creative and enjoy life with eyes that see everything as shiny and new and not hard and cruel. i want to do a little bit of everything and not worry about the politics of working in an office or fighting it out to beat someone else for a promotion.

has any one seen that royal pains episode with the nanny who's a superhero for her little charge?

i want to be like that. it's more than just being a babysitter you know. you're making a difference in a child's life.

i have so many dreams and hopes for my future, and i wouldn't mind spending some time doing that. or playing with puppies. or selling cupcakes...or....anything else i like to do.

(i may or may not have been reading a whole lot of books lately too...tomorrow i'll probably want to be a detective or doctor)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

thank you, thank you all soo soo much!

Thank you Miss America Pageant for giving me an answer to the never ending question:

Why are you still single? Why aren't you married?:

oh, because i'm still holding out for my shot at 
the Miss America title

thank you, Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition for giving this ideal reply 

as a suggestion to deal with nosy relatives over the holidays

...for me it works year round.

you can totally see it, right? right.

now if you'll excuse me, i must go practice my ugly  pretty cry face, and royal wave.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

p.s. have you entered my giveaway yet? well, you should! go here for details :)

searching

I'm staring at applications that need to be filled out,

cover letters that need to be tailored,

and websites of jobs I really want.

I am fantastically tired,

think I might fall asleep right now

and have a phone interview to schedule in the morning.

my parents are worried about this new idea of mine.

i don't think my dad believes me

when i say i really want to do this.

my mom thinks i need to have the perfect job before i go.

who knows what my perfect job is?

im all over the place in my passions, my creative outlets, and my career choices....

isn't there a job where i could get paid to...

 bake desserts,

cook amazing entrees,

host dinner parties,

travel,

create greeting cards,

make my own ornaments,

snuggle,

play uno & running bases with kids,

sew up infinity scarves,

color,

take photographs,

hunt for unique jewelry,

collect sunglasses,

read books

and name nail polishes.....?

hm. because that's the job I want

keep me in your thoughts please lovebugs...
I need some positivity to come my way

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

fill up my life with yet to come surprises

I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am.

 I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with

yet-to-come surprises.

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

a few things:

i would like a call back for a job i want in providence...like today.

so that i can move after christmas.

oh what? you didn't know i decided yesterday that i'm moving back to providence?

why yes, i did in fact decide to move back to providence, applied for a bunch of jobs, and scoped out apartments all day yesterday.

i gave my mom a speech about being stuck in a life i didn't choose for myself, while the person who talked me into it isn't even part of my life anymore. i talked about feeling like there is a whole life out there that isn't going to happen if i don't make it happen. i talked about not feeling like an adult at 26, not being able to support myself if i keep depending on my parents, not moving on with my life if i stay here.  i can't live at home forever. i'm not 16 anymore.

i want to be closer to the people i think of first when i have good news, bad news, news that's not important to anyone else, but they know it's important to me. the people who know all the things i've done these last few years, the things i've gone through, the troubles i've survived. the people who showed up when i needed them the most.

i want to make memories and never forget the people that matter to me the most.

i want to wake up in the morning excited to go to work. i want to be surrounded by people who also feel fulfilled by the work they do. i want to make a difference in the life of atleast one child. i want to get a paycheck and know that I earned it, by doing something i love, and that the money isn't even the biggest reward from it.

i want to go grocery shopping and pay for the things i need with the money i made. i want to invite friends over to my house for dinner, drink wine, enjoy each others company. i want to paint my room and get new furniture and put effort into a space that i plan on staying in for a few years, not a few months.

i want to meet someone.

i want someone to meet me and think: "she is someone that i want to get to know"

love at first sight would be nice, but love over time isn't something i'd pass up either.

i want someone in my life who calls that day, sends a message just to say hi, doesn't care about looking too interested, too needy, too desperate.

someone who wants me to know that they are thinking of me.

someone who cares about how i might be feeling.

someone who wonders what i'm doing.

someone good and kind.

someone who works hard and has dreams and goals.

someone who is tall.

someone who cares about their family.

someone who notices the little quirks i have.

someone who surrounds themselves with true friends.

someone who can't wait to introduce me to his friends because he knows theyll love me.

someone who holds my hand when we walk into a room, hugs me without caring who's looking, kisses me on the forehead just because.

someone who looks at me and thinks im beautiful

no matter what i'm wearing, what im doing, where i am.

no matter the size of my jeans or that my stomach isn't flat.

someone who holds me, touches me, looks at me and thinks that i am just perfect,

and perfect for him.

someone who is proud to have me as his own, someone who is grateful every single day for meeting me, someone who never takes me for granted.

i want someone to look at me and see all the things i see in myself,

what my family sees, what my friends see.

i'm funny. i'm witty. sometimes i'm awkward. i'm shy, but i'm outgoing. i'm a good friend and a good person. i'm creative. i'm loving and kind. i'm smart. i surprise myself, and i will surprise you.

i believe in a small gesture meaning more than a grand display. i love to be cuddled.

im passionate. i love, and i love hard.

sometimes i over think things, sometimes i take things to heart.

i'm sensitive, and empathetic.

i care about people, their lives, their struggles.

i want to make a difference in the world.

i write messages in cards, not just sign my name.

i'm short, but just the right size for me. 

the moment i feel the most beautiful on any day is when i wake up- pink cheeks, messy hair, clear eyes.

my favorite feeling is when someone reaches for me: to hold my hand, to hug me, to sleep closer together, to cuddle.

i get a rash on my chest when i'm nervous, upset or excited.

i tear up when i feel like im being attacked, no matter how strong i'm trying to be, no matter how angry i am.

i don't like the dark.

i watch scary movies with the lights on.

i read, and i read a lot.

i have no rythym but i love to dance.

i want people to take the time to get to know me, not just decide i'm not worth it after meeting me only one time.

i don't want to know people who think i'm not worth it.

i want to be loved.

 i want to grow up. take responsibility for my life. make things happen, not just talk about it.

 i want a life im proud of, one i want to share with someone else.

i want to be happy on my own, and be happy with someone else.

i want to fall in love with my life, every single day.

Source: stayelegant.blogspot.com via Misti on Pinterest

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah