who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home?


I've been keeping a not so secret secret: I'm moving back home.
I'm not sure when--maybe next month, maybe in six months, but I know I'm going.
My life here in Rhode island has been interesting, but my moving here was a mistake from probably the first week. I've had good times, and not so good times, and met a lot of people I wouldnt have, if I had never come back here, but now this chapter in my life is coming to a close. (Again)
It's funny, because I so desperately wanted to move away last year, and now I would move back tomorrow if I could. I guess I had to go away to really appreciate what I was leaving behind.
I'll miss things and people here from my Rhode island life, but if they're really meant to stay in my life they will.

my parents are thrilled, my brother is undecided. i think i might be winning him over though.

So, who wants to help me find a job back in new york? :) 

Now & then

My intense desire to move home again is rivaled only by last years urge to move away.
The irony of my decisions never ceases to surprise me.
It turns out, you really always really can go home again.

something borrowed & something new: a letter

I was in third grade the day my oldest niece was born. It was the week after my birthday, and I remember standing at my locker and thinking that morning, when my teacher was doing morning circle, I would have the most exciting news to share, and I would definitely end up being the Star of the Week, because my news was so completely awesome.

Anyway, cut to the here and now. My niece is getting married today. Actually, she got married a few weeks ago, and today had a ceremony and a reception for friends and family.

and I was not there.

and it is literally so upsetting to me that I cried about it a few days ago while thinking about what I'd say if I was.

I know some of you are reading this and doing the math, and wondering to yourselves how it is possible that I have a niece who is now married. or maybe you're reading this and not really caring about the details. or maybe no one is reading this at all. that's fine either way, but I guess in this moment, her age, and mine for that matter,  really aren't necessary to talk about.

I think right now what I want to talk (write?) about is what I would say to my niece if I could be there, on this her special day.

My dearest, first little lovebug,
I know you may not be getting the best reaction from everyone when youve shared your news, and I have to admit, because I've never really sugarcoated things with you, that I did not immediately react so well to it at first either. I was worried, I was surprised, and I guess a part of me still is. and the only reason is because I love you, and I've always only wanted what I thought was best for you, which is silly, really, considering I'm your Aunt, and can barely figure out what's best for myself, let alone think I know what's best for other people...but you know what I mean. I always had this idea of all the things you'd do when you got older, and the things that we could do together, once you were all grown up. I think I saw us having the kind of relationship your mom and I started to have when we reached an age that the age gap between us didn't matter anymore.

and now, after i've gotten used to the idea of you making such an adult decision, I've realized a few things: 1. You are an adult! you're not the little girl andrew used to swing in the air anymore. You are smart and kind, and a wonderful young woman who is fully capable of making her own choices, and in this grand adventure youre about to embark on, well, you have the right things in your heart to carry you wherever you will go. It's not up to me or anyone else to tell you what to do anymore. Like my dad always tells me, my parents taught me as much as they could about values, ideals, how to know right from wrong, and all that other stuff about how to be a good person, and now it's up to me to do what I will with those lessons. It's that same thing for you. You are your own person, not a little girl anymore. You have hopes and dreams, opinions and ideas. and I believe that you will continue to grow into an even more wonderful woman than the one you are right now. and 2. just because you've decided to make this huge, life changing decision, doesn't mean all the things I hoped for you are not possible. If anything, they are ever more possible. because now, you've got this amazing partner to support you in every choice you make here on out. You have never been alone, but now you have someone who is along for this journey with you, as your equal, your other half, to help carry your burdens when they bring you down, and also share in your joys when they fill you up so much you feel like you might burst with happiness.

I remember meeting Dakota the night he asked you to be his girlfriend and thinking to myself...jeez this kid keeps calling me ma'am a lot. I remember you telling us all about him, and then when I asked him to sit down and stay awhile at your dinner table, he was so polite and answered every question I asked him..with respect, and honesty. He didn't pull his phone out to text people, and he didn't give me one word answers. After he left, I thought to myself...what a decent guy he was, how polite and hardworking, and how he was respectful to all of us from your mom to your brother, and most importantly, he looked at you like he would sit at that table for hours answering my silly questions, just to spend more time sitting with you.

And that's the most important thing. at the end of the day, you have found something that most people search their entire lives for. I don't think I'm much of a relationship expert, considering my track record isn't stellar... you've seen it yourself-- but I do know what it's like to be in love, to love so deeply it's like you've given a piece of yourself to someone to hold on to because your heart is so full. I believe you and Dakota have found that in each other, and together. You may be young, but that doesn't mean your love isn't any less real than it would be if you were my age. or ten years older than me. I believe that what you have will just grow, and the two of you will grow together, and stronger for it. I so wish I could have been there to witness this day, to stand with the rest of your friends and family and share in your joy. We all wanted to be there, I hope you know that, and understand why we couldn't be. Papi said it himself, as a parent (and a grandparent) you want to be there for all the important things, and even the not so important ones. But especially for the first things, because nothings as special as experiencing your loved ones special moments. And missing his first grandchilds wedding? that was something he never thought he'd have to miss. Please know that our hearts were there, even if we couldn't be.

I am wishing you so many things, more than I could possibly list-- a lifetime of happiness, a home filled with laughter, memories that will carry you through any distance that separates you, hearts that are open to the differences that may arise, kind words that lift you up in the darkest of times, and days that begin and end with you both feeling as in love with each other as you do at this very moment.

Congratulations lovebugs, and welcome to our family Dakota. love you so much! xo

...and somehow that turned into a very long open letter to two people who just taught me a thing or two about what love is supposed to be like. funny how that happens sometimes. join me in sending many happy wishes to the newlyweds :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

It's moving day, it's moving day!!! After a slight change of plans in which I was supposed to move yesterday, I'm moving today!

i'm a whole mix of emotions, but that's to be expected. i'm worried, excited, sad, happy, unsure, intrigued....tons of things.  i don't know what will happen from here on out, but it's a chance im taking. and i wouldn't be able to take it if it wasnt for the three people who know me best and who i will miss the most...so here is my open letter to them:

Dear Moommy,

I love you. I know you're worried that I'm going to be sitting alone eating dinner. I know you're afraid about me getting sick and being too far away from you. I know you seem to think i am moving to antartica and will not survive the cold weather (that is not so unlike the one i am leaving). I know you are worried about me not using all my potential, that I don't believe in myself enough, that I don't give myself enough credit and don't want me working waiting on tables just to get by. I promise I will be ok. I promise I'll call you and I won't get annoyed when you send me bbm messages filled with all sorts of smiley faces. I actually get a kick out of it when you do. They make me giggle, no matter what I'm doing. I know you wish I could live with you forever, but we both know I had to go sooner or later. You've given me so much, it's about time I go and go do something to deserve it all. I will miss you trying to high five me or give me a fist pump when you crack yourself up at dinner, I will miss you taking care of me when im sick, and even will miss you coming into my room and offering to help me clean up the chaos i like to live in, or wanting to shop around in my stuff to see what you can use. I know you're worried Moommy, but you don't have to be (but I also know telling you you don't have to be is silly, because you wouldn't be you if you didn't worry about me) You taught me how to be a take charge kind of lady moommy, how to not let being a little lady let people take advantage of me, how to work hard, and make a difference in the world. because that's what you do moomy. and I want to be just like you when i grow up, because youre my hero. You work hard for us, and it's time for me to do the same. I know you're proud of me moomy, but it's time i start being proud of myself too. don't worry moomy, i'm just a short drive away, and you know I can't stay away from home for too long. i miss you already.

love,
sarita


Dear Daddy,

I love you. I know you're worried too, even though you haven't said it. I think it's because you know i'll be brave, and probably because you know this is a lesson i'll have to learn on my own. Even though i'll never really be on my own will i?  because I can always count on you to help me when i need it. You listen when i need to talk and you don't judge me. you tell me your secrets because you know i'll keep them. i'll miss sitting quietly at the table with you reading the paper, and getting in each others way in the kitchen. ill have to buy the paper and do the crosswords on my own, but ill probably end up calling you for the clues that stump me since you always seem to know the answer, kind of like you do for every other question i ever have. I'm gonna get it together daddy, im going to figure out a budget and save my money. it's about time for it. i count on you for everything, but i have to learn to do it on my own. it's way past time for it, and i'm lucky you've let me have this long to figure it out. when you were my age you lived a whole lifetime of things i can't even imagine having to do, and i'm lucky for all the things you've given me. one of my most favorite days with you was when we flew to miami to tour that awful campus, ditched in the middle of the tour to go eat, and then spent the rest of the day at the beach swimming in our clothes because we didnt pack..well anything especially not bathing suits, and then we flew back home slightly soggy. when i couldn't sleep and moved to the living room last night because i didnt feel well, i cried all night after you tucked me in. i may be a grown up, but im still really just a little girl who loves her daddy. i promise i'll still talk to you twenty times a day, i'll never be too busy for that. i miss you already. you're my hero too.

love,
your little palomita

Dear Binkaroo,

i love you. I wish we could live together forever, but you already shot down my plan to live next door to each other and build an underground tunnel to connect our houses. you can come visit me whenever you want, even though you think youre only going to see me on holidays. you're my best friend, what will i do without you around every single second? who will watch tv with me and ask me a hundred questions about the shows i watch and then make fun of them the whole time? i'm sorry i'm leaving you to handle dinner time questions on your own, but be patient with mom and dad, they love you so much-- they just want to spend time with you and stay a part of your life, even if they do make you crazy when they're asking a hundred questions. keep working hard in school, but don't stress yourself out so much over it, youre the smarty pants and you know you'll do well no matter what. be careful in the choices you make, and be good and kind like the binkaroo i love. keep your good friends close and always remember how valuable it is to have them when things get tough. don't forget you have me too. leaving you is probably the hardest for me, because I worry you'll forget about me, and won't talk to me so much when i'm not close by. we can still talk every single day and send lots of funny madeup bbmfaces to each other. you can let moomy and daddy read my blog now, they'd probably like it if you showed them how to see it. you're the first friend i ever had and my hero. and i miss you already.

love,
sissy

you three are my most favorite people in the world, and i wish we could stay together forever. i know things will be different now, but we're still a family and im grateful for you,

 and love you every single day.

Source: beyondtherack.com via Denise on Pinterest

ok, sadfaces, sadfaces, i made myself cry writing this one, so off i go.

wish me luck lovebugs, i'm headed off on my adventure. my posts may be here and there until i get my internet situation figured out...but stay tuned to see how my adventure turns out :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

happy birthday daddy!

guess what today is?

one of the best days ever

otherwise known as the day my favorite guy made his grand appearance into the world

...now some of you may be confused, and may be thinking to yourselves,

no Sarah,

that's tomorrow, youre a day early!

BUT im not!

because i'm talking about the birthday of this guy:

my brother & my daddy

it's my daddy's 60th birthday!!!

i know, you can't believe he's 60 either right?

he doesn't look a day over 40 :)

 i've talked about my dad on here before

but for those of you who may have missed it, here's some all around awesomeness stuff

about my dad:

* he's the best chef ever. he can make a gourmet meal out of anything. no joke.

* he will answer the phone at any time of the day or night. i've been known to call him at 3:30 am to ask how to pick a lock, the right way to cook scallops, or to listen to the weird sound my car is making

background info: this was supposed to be a pic of the bread pudding i made, but my dad wanted to jump in on it and i couldn't resist. his reasoning? "the only way i can get my picture onto facebook is if they're taking a picture of food and i sneak in!"

* his signature is in the shape of a heart. it actually looks nothing like his actual name, but he says it does

* he only accepts handmade gifts

* he loves sugar and shortbread cookies

* he makes a smiley face on every note he leaves us, complete with a mustache

* he only uses capital letters when he writes

* he can find anything, anywhere, among all chaos. you see a room full of stuff, he sees organized mayhem

* he loves pizza. if he could he'd it it every single day

dad & i on my birthday

* when he tells stories about his life he sounds like the dad in big fish. it sounds like he's making it all up and telling you fairytales, but it's all true

* he does the crossword, wordy gurty, and soduku in the paper every morning

* he has been known to wear every shirt and sweater he plans on packing for a vacation ON THE PLANE in order to avoid having to pay a luggage fee

*  he loves to barbecue. rain or shine. winter, summer..doesn't matter. he barbecues in all weather.

* once when we were on a family trip to disney, as we were walking into the park and employee who was walking past us stopped and said " hi rudy!" and kept on walking. we had no idea who they were.

* all of our friends at home think he's the real life "most interesting man in the world"

a few of his favorite things: pizza & wine

* he can give you an answer for everything. even if it's not true he can make you believe it

* he believes putting "the magic cream" he gets from uruguay on any injury or ailment will cure it,

 like the dad in my big fat greek wedding and his windex

* he's my biggest fan no matter what i do. even when i think im a big mess.

* he's the greatest, most wonderful daddy in the whole world

he's not perfect, but i wouldn't trade him for any other dad ever.

get my dad to like you and you're golden. have some of his food and you'll never want to leave.

he's the bravest, smartest, most caring guy i know,

 and even when he makes me crazy, and all i want to do is fight with him,

 AND i refuse to be facebook friends with him

he's my most favorite guy!

last years birthday

happiest birthday daddy, i love you !

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

" i'm just practicing living in my new room"

a few gems i've gotten from the fam
since announcing my moving plans:

andrew wanders into my room with his books and starts moving my stuff to sit down:
 
"oh i see we don't even need an invitation
 to come in these days" -me
"oh since youre leaving im just practicing
living in my new room"- andrew

*****

"when you move, i'm gonna miss you like ugly girls miss the prom" - andrew

*****

"so you're going to take everything with you right?
i want the room empty,
i've got a wall to build" -dad

*****

" you know Sarah, you're friends aren't going to let you stay forever,
do you think they like you that much?" -mom

*****

"if they ask you to start on monday,
don't even bother coming back.
i'll just send you your stuff,
i'm already acting like you're there already anyway" -dad

*****

and the post i left on my best friend missys wall the other day:

"ok, here's my plan:

 1. i will get a job i enjoy going to

 2. i will get a second job to pay for extra things...like antonios and fatbellies

 3. i will lose weight, walk more, and drink more water...because i won't be able to pay for groceries, or gas and for my own well being.

 4. i will dance. and dance often. you dont have to pay for that

5. i will kiss boys. often. and enjoy every second of it. 

 6. i will pretend to be in college again with you and attend parties on oakland. think our greek discount will still count? alumni status? def.

 7. i will drive almost half an hour away to go to the beach and pretend it's completely normal.

 8. i will go to boston, to see our friends and have a dance party at the purple sham, since mollys & stings is now out of the plans.

 9. i will do every single fun thing the great states of massachusettes and rhode island have to offer- the random and cheesier, the better.

 10. i will tailgate at a patriots game, pay attention so i know what youre talking about at a celtics game, and happily wander around fenway to see the red sox.

 11. i will invite people over for home cooked meals, wine and good company. resurrection of my old norwood ave parties, just classier.

 12. i will enjoy every single second of the life im choosing for myself, even if other people don't agree and think i can't do it, even if i have to do my own nails and not go out for dinner, and think twice before buying another pair of sunnies or a fab necklace from forever, or sleep on an air mattress in an empty room for a few months because i can't afford to buy real furniture.

i might have to write this out and put it up for my every day mantra."

{ how's that for a game plan? }

andddd.....right now i'm back to writing cover letters and sending out resumes..talk about a serious case of writers block.

thank you to all of you who have sent me kind words through here, twitter & facebook. i appreciate it more than you know :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

sh*t my family says aka if only we had our own sitcom

i wish all of you that haven't had the pleasure of meeting my family, really could.

you'd probably really love them, most people do.

my dad is the most interesting man in the world and cooks like he's on iron chef 24/7.

my mom is on a never ending mission to find me a husband/convince me to be a doctor-lawyer-comedian-resturanture-teacher/and an expert on how to get anywhere on the subway.

my brother is the bmoc, every single place he walks into. he's a movie star. and strategically claimed his spot at the dinner table because he can check himself out in the mirror that hangs directly across from his seat while sitting there. he won't even be the slightest bit embarassed by my telling you all that.

anyway, a lot of the time i feel like we're a running comedy routine in our house.

if we were a tv sitcom, people would definitely watch us.

my dad would absolutely get his own spin off.

let me share some of the gems that have happened around here lately:

" i always wanted to be a body builder" -dad

" really? but you never work out, why don't you go with andrew?" -me

" i've been to the gym once in my whole life, and that was to sign you up" -dad

" you never get up early for anything important" - dad
" ill get up for my free tote, im a sucker for free stuff!"- me
" it's not free if youre spending my money so you can get it" - dad
" but i get tons of new underwear that say obnoxious things on the butt!! who doesn't need more underwear that say obnoxious things on them?! you never know who might see them!!!" -me
"......................................................ok sarah." -dad

Watching tool academy at 5am with andrew giving a running commentary and talking back to the people on the show

"really? That's what they're saying in front of the mirror? I'd say damn I'm handsome, why am I on this show?"

" What's up with this therapist dressed up like a stripper"

"What up jdaddy, bet your girlfriend works at g club, I'm gonna go hit her up"
"why do you watch this show?"

"sarah would you meet someone if i introduced you to them?" - mom
"well if you were introducing her, she wouldn't have a choice" -dad
"well i have a friend and we want to set you up with her son. he's perfect for you! he's a lawyer, and has a house, and is really cute, and is almost thirty i think!"- mom
"that's great mom, sure i'll meet him"- me
"really?! you will! he lives in texas though...and i think he has a girlfriend, so maybe i won't introduce you...that probably wouldn't work out"- mom

 "look how big my pants are on me, theyre sagging off! " -andrew
 "maybe it's because you're rapping your ass off" -me

"It's the only way I can get onto facebook-if they're taking a picture of food or of someone else!" -dad in response to me taking this picture of the bread pudding i made:
:

"I want to go ask the jerk squad to fix it, that's what they're called right?"-dad
 "Do you mean the geek squad dad?" -me
"Ohhh right that's what it is!" -dad

"i just wanted to know if you're going to bring someone home with you tonight, so i can distract mom when you get here" - dad
"no dad, i will be going home alone, but thanks for the faith in me" -me
" well, just try a little harder then" -dad

My mom is telling a random rambling story at dinner and andrew bbms me from the seat next to me "cool story bro"

My mom is killing 2 birds with 1 stone: finding me a job and a man:
 mom:"sarah look you should go teach in argentina! Look how handsome the men are!"
 dad: "argentina?! No the handsome men are in uruguay, look at me, its true!"

why you havent liked my fb status yet i dont know, but I'm funny" -andrew

no its not a small! i got it in the hispanic section at walmart! it says 'ese' for hombresss!"- andrew

"you look really pretty today. i mean except your hair is too dark and i don't like it. but besides that, you look pretty" -dad

my dad before he left to visit my brother in law on his return cruise aboard a navy ship:
"im going to bring you back a boyfriend! i'm going to advertise on the ship:
{pretty girl looking for her first mate!}
 this is a great idea!"  -dad

after i extended my 3 day visit at my sisters house into a week and a half,
as posted on my fb by my brother:
"why did you buy all these cake mixes? we don't need any of these"-dad
"because Sarah likes to bake"-andrew
 "Sarah doesn't live here anymore."-dad
" {walkway being built to your window.eviction notice served}"



{looking at a picture of me when i was six:}
"you used to be so pretty"- mom
"yeah, now im just ugly" -me
" yeah now youre ugly. you should wear some heels, and stop doing that scrunching thing to your hair. if you're going to keep doing that, atleast wear it straight i like it better...oh, can you do my hair for me later?" -mom
"sure mom, after such a backhanded compliment like that, why not." -me

and some that happen outside our house, but are still equally funny:

"What's it like being a ginger and knowing you don't have a soul?" -andrew
"You're just jealous"- red head girl
"Jealous? That I have amazing black hair and I'm going to heaven and have a soul and god given talent?" - andrew

"Don't laugh we're in love"- random girl
"I don't fall in love" -andrew
"But I'm in love with you is that ok?" - random girl
"That happens often" -andrew

hope you've enjoyed these gathering of random gems, brought to you by the corts.
stay tuned for more :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah