Friday, August 13, 2010

That was then..THIS, this is now

So I haven't kept up with my blog as I thought I would so here's a quick catch up:

I turned 25, and did, as i was warned, have an actual quarter life crisis. I sat around the weekend of my birthday wondering just exactly how I ended up living at home, back in college, with no idea what I was going to do with my life, states away from my boyfriend and my best friends, having to tell my parents where and who i was going out with, and wondering how i was going to stretch my latest pay check while my best friends were making plans to move in with their boyfriends, planning their weddings, loving their careers and basically living the life i thought i should be living. I wanted to go back to that life asap, needed my year to fast forward so i could get on with the plans my boyfriend and i had made for when i graduated: move in together again somewhere in boston, get engaged, invite all of our friends over for awesome grown up dinner parties, joint bank accounts, finding an amazing job where id feel fulfilled every day, another puppy, continuing our lives together again....and then he broke up with me.

Cry me a river right? should i have some cheese with that whine? yes, yes, i know what i sound like :)

lets just say my world got a little knocked off say the least.

so now i've spent my summer in non stop summer school, working, and basically re evaulating what i want for myself, my now suddenly completely open future, and every aspect of my life.

heres what ive come up with so far:

1. i do want to have a better, more positive view of myself.

truthfully, thinking i was going to spend my life with someone and then suddenly... not, has not done wonders for my self esteem. i am constantly questioning what i did wrong, what i could have done better, what i should have said, maybe if i had been thinner, prettier, know typical break up stuff. everyone under the sun has given me advice on how to get past this but its hard when you feel slightly broken, missing a few pieces.

2. i want to be around people who genuinely care about me

new friends, old friends, it doesn't matter how long you've known people, sometimes you meet people and you just know, they are your people.

3. figure out what I want to do after graduation and make a realistic plan on how i can make it happen

find a new job, pass my certification tests, look for a place of my own, save money, but most importantly: take chances

ok, so this is a short list but it's a start :)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Happy Birthday Baby

When I was younger I always thought that growing up meant getting a really important job, moving into the city, wearing fancy clothes,having super perfect shiny hair and just being older and just knowing things. I thought that I would get married when I was twenty five ( because I'd be sooo old by then!) and so my life would go.

Well, twenty five is right around the corner and yet I don't feel as old as my former child self thought I would be.

This could be both good and bad right?

So here's a little about my twenty four year old self in a nutshell: I thought I had it figured out. I went to college, met amazing people who met me at a point where I was finding out who I was and what kind of person I actually wanted to be, and I fell in love. So I was all set as far as I thought.

Shockingly (not) all was not so set in my future.

So what do you do when one day you wake up, look around and wonder " how did I end up here?"

After my best laid plans, did in fact go astray, like John Steinbeck warned us all about back in junior year english class, I had to come up with a new plan of action...but as my brother in law has always said, plans are just something to deviate from.

So here is my new "plan" : I won't let my life pass me by. I am going to take chances, not settle for less than I know I deserve, learn just what kind of person I am and just plain l i v e...
because really, life can end at any given moment, and there are no do overs.