Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Work hard, play harder

As I like to do every few months or so (mostly after attending another wedding alone actually), I sign myself up for online dating. Why, I'm not really sure because really I've read entirely too many books that have ruined me from ever meeting anyone any other way besides some hopelessly romantic comedy scenario like our dogs leashes intertwine at the dog park or something and our eyes lock and we fall madly in love in an instant. Now don't ask me how I actually expect that to happen since I neither walk my dog, on a leash or at all, nor do we go to dog parks (this makes me sound really neglectful as a dog mommy but he runs wild in our yard all day and night thanks to his fancy doggy door. If I tried to take him anywhere on a leash he'd probably look at me, what's happening right now?). But anyway one of these days this sort of thing is bound to happen right? Right. 

In the meantime, online dating I will go. And you know what I've noticed besides the fact that apparently I'm equally undesirable as my online version of myself as I am in real life, but some guys really have no clue. And so I present to you the following findings of things I have questions about: 

- " I work hard and play harder" ....really, what does this mean and why do people say it? 

-profile pictures of your car. Unless you're telling me you're a transformer I could care less. You know what I'd like to see a picture of? You, to make sure you don't have three heads. 

-speaking of pictures...why do you post pictures of you with tons of girls? Bonus points if the girls are scantily clad. that your sister? The at risk youth you volunteer with? I have no idea because you don't include captions. And really if you're so popular with the ladies, why aren't you dating one of them? Unless you already did soooo...

-what's with the creepy, obnoxious or just lame usernames? "Thekingnumba1" isn't winning you any points. Neither is "theoneurlookingfor_6969" I mean really? You know which also doesn't work? "Noonelikesme" or "youwontmsgmeneway" um ok. You sound like lots of fun. 

-and last but not least: messaging me " hey sexy mama here's my number, hit me up if you want to get to know each other" first of off, yuck. Why are you calling me sexy mama? Is my name not working for you? And secondly, why would you think I'd call a person I don't know when I'd barely give my number to a guy I'm actually looking at in real life at a bar. Does that work for you? Do girls actually text you like that? 

And that folks concludes my online dating experience so far for today. Also, does it make me a bad person if a guy who says his interests are playing dungeons and dragons, going to reenactments, posting weird pictures of himself laying down, and uses a lot of exclamation points (hi! I'm Steve! How are you! You seem nice!) messages me and I just don't want to reply? Survey says: I'm a b word. #reasonswhyimstillsingle

With a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams