Saturday, May 10, 2014

a post

It's the eve of my 29th year, drawing my last 28 years as a growing, changing, random person to an end and bringing a whole new year to begin again. 

Every year as my birthday approaches I struggle and scramble to get my friends together, to make plans, to celebrate my life in some way and every year fewer and fewer people are able to make it, and sometimes...well it all doesn't turn out quite as I picture it. We all have our own lives and commitments and whatever so that's all understandable even if a little part of me feels disappointed even when I know it's unavoidable. So this year you know what my plans are?  I'm having dinner with my parents, brother and my boyfriend at one of our favorite restaurants where I'll undoubtably eat too much and then come home to stuff myself with my traditional carvel cake. And tomorrow for my actual birthday? Hopefully brunch and mini golfing with some batting cages thrown in followed by a nap and some more carvel hopefully all while I'm wearing a rediculous floral crown and a dress, because why not? And that's all okay. It's perfect actually. 

And you know what I realized? I scramble to make these plans because I'm afraid of being forgotten about. I'm afraid people I care about will just forget I exist until I'm just an afterthought to them. Nuts right? But I'm sure deep down everyone's had that thought before. Which is why I try to remind my friends I haven't forgotten about them. I send cards saying hi, words of encouragement, little gifts here and there, a random text...whatever. I don't do it for recognition or for something in return...I just want them to know someone is thinking of them. 

So the thought I had now before I started writing this? I'm getting ready to spend my birthday dinner with the people who have always loved me the most and will never forget me. and our newest addition to the group, a blessing in the form of a guy I didn't know how much I was missing until one day I looked at him and wondered how I ever had a life that didn't have him in it. But that's a post for another day :) 

So here's a toast, to you, to me, to another year on the books and so many more wonderful years to come. 

With a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams 

xo, Sarah