Thursday, November 29, 2012

Confessions with Mrs. Bear

So i'm linking up with mrs. bear for a few confessions for the week ...cause for real, we all have them, might as well tell someone about them!

Think Happy Thoughts
i confess... i told her last week i was going to link up and then next thing i was today. a week later. whooops. (better late than never mrs. bear?!)
i confess... whenever i am about to walk out of my apartment and hear someone else heading down the stairs or their door opening, i stop and wait until i hear them leave. it's weird i know but i've had enough akward small talk with everyone in here and at this point i'm okay with them thinking i'm stuck up, and perhaps a shut in, since everytime i see the guy upstairs he tells me he hasnt seen me in months (i've lived here for 8 months...)
i confess: I AM SO EXCITED TO SEND OUT MY HOLIDAY CARDS!  what do i care if i dont have a pet, boyfriend, husband or baby to take pictures with? i have me and that is just good enough. and im crafty enough to make props...which i did.
i confess... my faucet has been dripping since probably...the second day i lived here and i just keep not telling my landlord about it. even though it drives me crazyyyy.
i confess: i just had some peppermint swirl ice cream and enjoyed every last bit of it. yum
i confess: i'd like to rename my blog, again. but it feels like every awesome name is already taken! time to brainstorm over here people.
i confess: lately, it's taken me every last ounce of everything in me to not bitch some people out like they really deserve. like who are you and where did you come from? don't talk to me.
i confess... lately, i'd rather not hear one more thing about weddings. about people i know, about strangers, about anyones. unless we're talking about mine. my non existent one that is. i could talk about that one allll day, and show you my board on pinterest.
oh, speaking of which
i confess: 122 people apparently read my last post, and not one single person commented on it. really? really?! maybe it's a case of...if you don't have anything nice to say.
ok, that's not entirely true, some people commented on fb, but that's not the same thing.
i confess: my day started off on the wrong foot because my alarm didn't go off (...or i slept through it) and then i wasted an hour on facebook stalking people who have my dream job(s). yep that's plural since i actually don't know what i'm doing with my life.
i confess: this post makes me look like a serious negative nancy, so i should really cut the crap.
i confess:  i'm not even sure i like cats.... but i might be getting a kitten :)
and with that, i'm going to sleep ten hours past my bedtime
with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sunday, November 25, 2012

something borrowed & something new: a letter

I was in third grade the day my oldest niece was born. It was the week after my birthday, and I remember standing at my locker and thinking that morning, when my teacher was doing morning circle, I would have the most exciting news to share, and I would definitely end up being the Star of the Week, because my news was so completely awesome.

Anyway, cut to the here and now. My niece is getting married today. Actually, she got married a few weeks ago, and today had a ceremony and a reception for friends and family.

and I was not there.

and it is literally so upsetting to me that I cried about it a few days ago while thinking about what I'd say if I was.

I know some of you are reading this and doing the math, and wondering to yourselves how it is possible that I have a niece who is now married. or maybe you're reading this and not really caring about the details. or maybe no one is reading this at all. that's fine either way, but I guess in this moment, her age, and mine for that matter,  really aren't necessary to talk about.

I think right now what I want to talk (write?) about is what I would say to my niece if I could be there, on this her special day.

My dearest, first little lovebug,
I know you may not be getting the best reaction from everyone when youve shared your news, and I have to admit, because I've never really sugarcoated things with you, that I did not immediately react so well to it at first either. I was worried, I was surprised, and I guess a part of me still is. and the only reason is because I love you, and I've always only wanted what I thought was best for you, which is silly, really, considering I'm your Aunt, and can barely figure out what's best for myself, let alone think I know what's best for other people...but you know what I mean. I always had this idea of all the things you'd do when you got older, and the things that we could do together, once you were all grown up. I think I saw us having the kind of relationship your mom and I started to have when we reached an age that the age gap between us didn't matter anymore.

and now, after i've gotten used to the idea of you making such an adult decision, I've realized a few things: 1. You are an adult! you're not the little girl andrew used to swing in the air anymore. You are smart and kind, and a wonderful young woman who is fully capable of making her own choices, and in this grand adventure youre about to embark on, well, you have the right things in your heart to carry you wherever you will go. It's not up to me or anyone else to tell you what to do anymore. Like my dad always tells me, my parents taught me as much as they could about values, ideals, how to know right from wrong, and all that other stuff about how to be a good person, and now it's up to me to do what I will with those lessons. It's that same thing for you. You are your own person, not a little girl anymore. You have hopes and dreams, opinions and ideas. and I believe that you will continue to grow into an even more wonderful woman than the one you are right now. and 2. just because you've decided to make this huge, life changing decision, doesn't mean all the things I hoped for you are not possible. If anything, they are ever more possible. because now, you've got this amazing partner to support you in every choice you make here on out. You have never been alone, but now you have someone who is along for this journey with you, as your equal, your other half, to help carry your burdens when they bring you down, and also share in your joys when they fill you up so much you feel like you might burst with happiness.

I remember meeting Dakota the night he asked you to be his girlfriend and thinking to myself...jeez this kid keeps calling me ma'am a lot. I remember you telling us all about him, and then when I asked him to sit down and stay awhile at your dinner table, he was so polite and answered every question I asked him..with respect, and honesty. He didn't pull his phone out to text people, and he didn't give me one word answers. After he left, I thought to myself...what a decent guy he was, how polite and hardworking, and how he was respectful to all of us from your mom to your brother, and most importantly, he looked at you like he would sit at that table for hours answering my silly questions, just to spend more time sitting with you.

And that's the most important thing. at the end of the day, you have found something that most people search their entire lives for. I don't think I'm much of a relationship expert, considering my track record isn't stellar... you've seen it yourself-- but I do know what it's like to be in love, to love so deeply it's like you've given a piece of yourself to someone to hold on to because your heart is so full. I believe you and Dakota have found that in each other, and together. You may be young, but that doesn't mean your love isn't any less real than it would be if you were my age. or ten years older than me. I believe that what you have will just grow, and the two of you will grow together, and stronger for it. I so wish I could have been there to witness this day, to stand with the rest of your friends and family and share in your joy. We all wanted to be there, I hope you know that, and understand why we couldn't be. Papi said it himself, as a parent (and a grandparent) you want to be there for all the important things, and even the not so important ones. But especially for the first things, because nothings as special as experiencing your loved ones special moments. And missing his first grandchilds wedding? that was something he never thought he'd have to miss. Please know that our hearts were there, even if we couldn't be.

I am wishing you so many things, more than I could possibly list-- a lifetime of happiness, a home filled with laughter, memories that will carry you through any distance that separates you, hearts that are open to the differences that may arise, kind words that lift you up in the darkest of times, and days that begin and end with you both feeling as in love with each other as you do at this very moment.

Congratulations lovebugs, and welcome to our family Dakota. love you so much! xo

...and somehow that turned into a very long open letter to two people who just taught me a thing or two about what love is supposed to be like. funny how that happens sometimes. join me in sending many happy wishes to the newlyweds :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

random random

hello dear friends!

let's recap shall we?

i went to the happiest place on earth aka ikea and bought things i didn't need but ended up building this:
im a rebel, i broke the rules:
and the night before that i decided i wanted to paint stripes on my wall:
i also cut my hair:
and managed to do two unimagineable things: 1. not cry about it and 2. take a picture of myself in my bathroom mirror
oh and yesterday this happened:
my parents celebrated 29 years of wedded loveliness. aren't they the cutest little muffins?
and some more random things:

the penguin on the pier one commerical is one of those weird twins from rugrats. which is a show i didn't ever watch i just happen to recognize the voice. random i know.

r kelley (kelly, no e? i don't even care) is releasing his 23rd chapter of trapped in a closet....why?

dating in your 20's is hard after college and you don't work somewhere full of single people. i feel like everyone got paired up and now the rest of us are scrambling to find a partner. and trust me there are some pretty slim pickings.

oh no you say? trust. if we were friends on snapchat you'd be agreeing with me since you'd see the guys im getting matched with. ironically, the guys i do message because they interest me-- they don't reply back. you know who does? the guys i immediately rule out from reading one line in their profiles.

..sigh. i know that actually sounds really harsh of me.

lindsay lohan? i can't even.

twilight? i must seee it.

paul mcdonald and nikki reed's music together? love.

and......last but not least, i would like to go to aruba. that's all. not too much to ask for no?

happy almost turkey day loves!

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams


Thursday, November 15, 2012

i spend all day thinking of dumb things to post on facebook

so I have yet again joined the world of online dating. except this time I'm planning on actually following through with it. I even just sent out two messages, mostly because the second guy had the best profile I've ever read, ever.

exhibit a:

"I graduated with a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice. I'm essentially paid to be a human flagpole, but it pays really well. I guard banks which is funny because my mom always told me I'd end up standing in a bank with a gun; I think she meant something else. I spend all day thinking of dumb things to post on facebook and my blog."

trust me on this one: this guy would be a good time. not even kidding, im hoping he'll reply back to me.

wish me luck!

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams


oh p.s. looks like I lost another two followers. that's like five in the last two weeks. was it something I said? ....good thing I don't actually blog for the numbers. thanks to you guys for sticking around, xo

Monday, November 12, 2012

let there be light!

a quick recap:

after 14 days without power, my family and some of my friends got power back at home. AND i happened to be there.


i think not.

why was i home again you ask?

1. because i have a better social life three states and three hours away than i do here (lame, i know)

and 2. because it was this guys birthday!
and i take birthdays very seriously.
happiest birthday again to my first best friend, my binkaroo!
happy monday friends!
with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams