a list.

i'm putting this out there, so maybe someone else can help hold me accountable...maybe.

1. i will lose 20 lbs by september. IN A HEALTHY WAY. if i lose more, then that would be great. but i'm definitely at an unhealthy weight right now and that's not okay. i'm young, but i'm not young enough. i need to stop saying i'll try again next week, next month, next year, and start doing something about it right now.

2. i will do some sort of exercise every day instead of sitting on the couch: playing wii tennis, zumba, lifting weights on commercial breaks, walking around my neighborhood, going to the gym i've been paying a membership to...anything. there's a difference between taking time to relax and just being lazy.

3. no more soda: water, water, water with the occasional wine in there. because i can treat myself every now and then

4. no more ridiculous spending. the only purchases that are going on my credit card are gas and groceries. i can't afford it. my parents can't afford it. who do i think i am anyway? a spoiled grown up that still acts like a kid. i'm ridiculous.

5. focus on the good things about myself: is my hair straight? who cares. do i have a boyfriend? it doesn't matter. am i healthy and happy? that's what counts. so i better put effort into working on those instead.

6. i will find a job. and i will enjoy it. even if it's not what i really want to do. because let's be real, i have NO idea what it is i really want to do. and i have three degrees that i paid way too much money to get and are just gathering dust on a wall in my parents house. time to grow up, and learn to provide for myself. my parents are getting older and it's not fair to them.

7. i will continue to do things that i DO love. because everyone needs that in their life. even if i can't make a living off any of my hobbies, atleast i have hobbies to keep me happy, feeling like i'm using my creativity somehow and keeping my mind active, that's what matters.

8. i will try something on my list of things i want to try, even if i may not be good at it, even if i might be terrified. if i don't try now, when will i?

9. i will try to stop being so afraid. i will find some help for my anxiety if it gets out of control and i think i can't handle it on my own.

10. i will cut people out of my life that only see the negative in life. i just can't have that around me anymore, it's exhausting. it's not so much about how many friends i have, and more about what they bring to my life. it takes just as much effort to be happy than it does to be miserable. stop judging everyone around you when you don't even know them. what do you gain by doing that?

11. i will look at everyone i come in contact with, with fresh eyes. no matter what i've heard of them, what they look like, what theyve done before that moment. treat everyone with an open heart & a clear mind. yep, new plan.

12. i will organize my closet. i know, this seems like a simple thing but for me it's huge. i have so much stuff. i buy things to make myself feel better, i buy things to celebrate anything, i keep things because they remind me of that moment when i was wearing it and something wonderful happened, i keep things because they remind me of how i felt at that moment. i need to simplify my closet. do a clean out. start fresh with my life. simplify my life.

i think this started as a summer to do list, but i think it turned into a life list...

oh well, it never hurts to look at your life and point out the areas you'd like to improve upon.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

Sarah

where i intended.

the irony of my life never ceases to amaze me.

Source: waveavenue.com via Ashley on Pinterest

i up and moved back to rhode island for no apparent reason other than i was driving back from a weekend away and realized i wanted to find any possible reason to stay, so i basically did.

i applied for a job i didn't get, and then got a job i've wanted for years, if only for a temporary while.

i got sick, got admitted to the hospital for days for the first time since i was born, and really was reminded of just how much people care about me, even if i don't hear from them for months (or even years) at a time.

i moved out of my apt, into my own place and am happily surrounded by all my stuff, creating a space that for the first time, in a very very long time, is totally and completely my own.

i'm writing my own rent checks, which in itself is a huge deal.

i may be single, but atleast im not in a relationship anymore with someone who doesnt't value me.
i'll be ok with myself until i meet that special someone.

i've made so many new friends, and while the quantity isn't important, the quality of them is and i'm glad for that.

i've had a major boost in self esteem and leave the house telling myself im beautiful much more often than i do thinking im disgusting, despite the fact that i haven't lost those forty pounds i hoped to have dropped by now.

and today i found out that something special i've been working on for a few months was approved, and while i do plan on having a special post all about it, let's just say that my heart is completely and totally full of joy today.

so, i'm still a little lost in life, on the verge of turning 27, still looking like im 17, only sometimes part time employed. short as ever, but feeling more at peace with myself daily, and mostly totally happy.

it was a beautiful day, and i have a beautiful life.
thanks for being a part of it.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

Sarah

life.

one of these days im going to figure out what to do with my life.

..apparently, it's not that day yet.