today i had a thought..what if i had never met you?

today i had a thought...what if i had never met you?

on wednesday it was the seven year anniversary of my sorority initiation.

seven years?!

time flies when you're busy being awesome.

anyway, I had two pledge sisters, we started out with way more but i ended up with just two at the end.

i thought we would be best friends forever, not out of obligation or anything

but genuinely because i loved them both like sisters, and they were my best friends by choice.

now seven years later, two of us don't speak to the third.

we had a falling out and she basically broke up with us.

anyway that's not my point here.

neither is the whole sorority aspect of where my story came from...

my point is this..seven years is a crazy long time, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not.

it's just a few years of your life.

but for me, in those seven years i've met some of the greatest friends i've ever known.

friends who come and go in my life, but always pick up again like time hasn't passed.

friends who know me better than people i've known my entire life.

friends that i can't imagine never having met.

these last seven years have been the years that shaped the life i have now, the person i am now.

and i tend to think that my life would be so very different had i chosen to go left instead of right,

stayed home for school instead of going away, go to bed early instead of staying out late, so many other factors.

every choice i made in the last seven years led me to people who have changed my life.

so thank you lovebugs, if you have been a part of my life these last few years, big or small.

if youre still here, or have left my life for whatever reason.

and here's hoping these next seven years bring even more wonderful people into my life--

 to change me for the better, help me grow and continue to push and inspire me to achieve every dream i've ever had

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

what is a sisterhood?

Most of you know I was in a sorority in college.

Actually let me rephrase: I am part of a sorority.

That didn't end the second I got my diploma. The day I chose to rush a sorority, it became a part of who I was then, and who I am now. I rushed, I pledged, and I was a part of something.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...joining my sorority changed my life.

I learned how to be an individual. I learned to have a voice. I learned how to be part of a team. I learned how to walk into a situation ( or a classroom, or a fraternity party) with confidence. I learned how to start conversations with random people. I learned about what kind of person I was when I needed to make tough choices, I learned what kind of people I wanted to surround myself with, and I learned that people you may never have met under other circumstances have a funny way of becoming more like family...like sisters.

I can say I am a better person for it. The good , the bad, the random and awkward, the fantastic and every single other memory, experience and lesson learned since the day I walked into my first rush event.

Today I am still a part of my sorority. I think of my sisters every day, tell stories about them and share memories of them...even if I haven't seen some of them in years..even if I no longer speak to some. I am lucky to say that I keep in touch with many of my sisters, and know that no matter where I am, where they are, how many years pass, or even if I've never met them in person..I can still count on them. Any day, any time, any where. I have received invitations to visit them across country, have been offered a place to stay when contemplating moving. They've wished me luck countless times, visit me, send me holiday cards. On facebook they comment on my pictures, on my statuses or just to say hi.

anyway, my point is that I'm happy I decided to do it all those years ago. Sometimes I forget what it's like to be part of a sisterhood...and then there's days like today .

By sheer fate I saw a girl wearing my sorority's letters when I went to a grad school open house two weeks ago. Being the random person I am, I went over to her to introduce myself. Actually to be honest, I made a deal with myself that if I finished filling out the application and handed it into the admissions counselors that were there, then I would go and talk to a stranger and pretend it was completely normal. So i did! and the girl was super nice and didn't think I was a weirdo even when I gave her my speech about being so excited to meet her, and wanting to volunteer with her new colony- soon to be chapter, and giggling like a freak because I was nervous and when I'm nervous I get super awkward, giggle and make no sense. Greatttt first impression.

BUT awkwardness and all she gave me the name of their colony consultant, who I immediately emailed, and who was also super receptive to having me meet the girls and invited me to the chartering ceremony for the girls.

sooo that brings me to today, when I attended the chartering ceremony for the newest chapter of my organization. To see these girls interact with each other, hear about all the work they did to become a colony and then to become a chapter within a few short months did something for my heart. I was in a room with girls who were just starting out, ladies who are alumni like myself, and girls who are right in the middle of their college years as active sisters. We all shared a bond, and even though we didn't know each other, it felt like I was surrounded by friends. Watching each girl walk up as their name was called, hearing the jokes and cheers they shared with each other, listening to the colony president thank her sisters during her speech and to say out loud what I've always felt: 

 "We started out as strangers, became friends, and ultimately have become a family- we're sisters"

it all reminded me of the pride I have in my sorority, and in my sisters.

They were my family when I was hours away from mine. They were my friends when I walked into Chestnuts and didn't want to sit alone. And they were my sisters when a boy broke my heart and they threatened to beat him up, when I cut my hair off and they convinced me it really wasn't that awful, when I needed a ride to the doctor or someone to talk to at 3am, or help figuring out a class that just baffled me. They were my sisters for all those things and so much more. 

They still are. 

Because a sisterhood lasts forever.  

Girls, if you're reading this, i adore each and every one of you. I think of you often, even if we don't speak every day or even every year. I am happy when good things happen for you, and I want to comfort you when bad things go your way. You always have a friend in me, and more than that - a sister.

 I am all the better for having met you, and for that I'm thankful.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

p.s. look at my new shirt i got today!

Source: designs.dphie.org via Sarah on Pinterest

isn't it super cute?! best be sure i'll be rocking it with my fave leggings and my fave black biker boots asap.

world traveler...maybe.

Growing up, I never wanted to move away from my town. I grew up with friends whose parents had grown up together here, went to high school together, were related to people around the block and across the street. I wanted that connection to a place. I thought my friends and I would grow up, go off to college and come back here to become the new generation of grown ups who grew up together.

Source: scrapstudio.tumblr.com via Jackie on Pinterest

I wanted to have roots somewhere. The kind of roots my dad had wanted when he picked this area, out of all the towns in the country, to move to when he came to America to start a new life over 30 years ago when he was not quite a child but not quite an adult yet barely 20 with a wife, a baby and barely speaking a word of English. My mother came to America when she was 15, used to a strict catholic upbringing in a country I've only read about and have yet to step foot in.

When they met and married they settled here in my town, built a life together, and put down roots. Over the years we moved five times, always in the same town. I grew up here, have friends I've known over 20 years, see my former teachers when I work in the elementary schools, have has kids who were my campers now come back this past summer as counselors. I can go anywhere here and be guaranteed to bump into a former classmate, coworker, parent, random by association acquaintance. My boss now has known me since I was 5 years old and attending the recreation program I now work for.

This is what I always wanted when I was growing up. To live in a town where everyone knows each other, to be around people who have a history together, to be able to grab a cup of coffee with a friend who has known me since I was three feet tall and send my own children to the same elementary school I went to.

Then the summer before my sophmore year of college I decided that I wanted to transfer and go away to school. On a whim I went to an open admissions day in Providence, RI and the rest is history. Living away from my hometown changed me. I learned a lot about myself but mostly I learned that there was a whole world out there that I wanted to explore. I never wanted to move back. At first I was all set to stay in Providence after graduation and find a job in Rhode Island or commute into Boston. My then boyfriend was from Massachusetts and we got the idea that we'd move back to his hometown, into his family home after his parents retired to Florida. We made plans about what we'd change about his childhood home, where we'd apply to work, just all those random decisions you imagine making when you decide you are going to have a  future somewhere.

It didn't work out that way, obviously. We moved back here because I got a good job offer that at the time seemed worth it. We always planned to stay just long enough to work, get promoted and be able to transfer somewhere else.Truth is, not all of my old friends have stuck around here, and the ones who have aren't planning on staying. Neither are my parents or my brother. So what's holding me back then? My relationship didn't last but my desire to move somewhere else has .Some days I can't think about living anywhere but here....but those other days?

Source: thethinkingtank.wordpress.com via bobiejo on Pinterest

I want to go. Explore the world. Visit Europe again. Move to Italy or Spain. Head back to Rhode Island or find a place in Boston. Find a job in Brazil and go. Move near family in Virginia Beach or Austin or Dallas. Au Pair in Prague or Budapest. Head back to where my dad grew up and live more simply in Uruguay. Lately, since I've started blogging and also looking into different career opportunities, I've learned of all these other wonderful places that never occurred to me before as options for me...random cities in Arkansas, Nashville & Memphis in Tennessee, Denver Colorado, Louisville Kentucky. Teach English in Venice, Verona or Vienna. Finding a small home full of southern charm in Charleston, South Carolina.

Source: Uploaded by user via Andrea on Pinterest

I want to go. Who knows what's out there just waiting for me? How will I know if I never try? Years ago, my parents both took their chances leaving what they knew and starting over in a new place, and they were both much younger than I am now and started out with much less. I'd like to think that they both have never regretted their decisions...and I'd also like to think that neither will I.

Besides, you can always go home again, right?

Source: flickr.com via Heather on Pinterest

Trick or Treat!

Happy Halloween my pumpkins!

I, for one, happen to love halloween and spend months thinking of ideas about what I want to dress up as and can never make up my mind til the last minute. When I was little my parents used to make our costume and they were awesome! The last couple of years I've done a little of both- bought some, made some, threw together what I could find and made it work. Sadly, I've been sick so all my planning went to waste since I spent the Halloweekend in bed so neither my batgirl or tinkerbell costume got any use ( BIG SADFACE, I was super excited about both of them) but luckily today I was Minnie Mouse at work, even though I was pre warned that no one dresses up I still wore my handmade ears happpily

Anywhooo, here's a little trip through my halloweens past in pictures. Sadly I had the most awesome Pochahontas costume in the second grade that I can't find a picture of but I seriously loved it and would wear it again in a heartbeat. hmmm maybe next year I can bring it back in my grown up size.

my first year attempt as a cowgirl...this later turned into my costume of choice three years in a row with slight changes every year

Can & I, we got the gun holsters and everything







the following year I switched my hat, found a plaid shirt and added some bangle earrings...bc you know, cowgirls wear them.







I was either a hippie or nicole richie..you decide.

sailor girl!

arrrrrr...I loved being a pirate! I even had a heart shaped eye patch haha 

A pretty princess in kindergarten

today with my homemade minnie ears

at a costume themed sweet 16 in hs, as an angel...my least thought out costume ever, planned about two hours before I had to be there...also my most comfortable one since im wearing pjs and tank and my fave sneaks..might have to bring that one back

seriously, how cute am i? this was actually my flower girl dress from my aunts wedding

and because this is too adorable not to include, my brother as peter rabbit OR bugs bunny circa 1990

there's my eye patch, I'm gonna need to find a reason to wear it again

i was going for nicole richie as a hippie, because it's the same thing no?

anddd my two costumes from this year that are getting added to my stash for whenever I decide to have a costume party in the summer, because that seems like a good idea.


ok that was fun haha. I'm already thinking of ideas for next year! hope you're all enjoying your day and enjoying your candy! How adorable are these trick or treaters this year?! I saw a kid in a buzz lightyear costume that made my night. Also, one of my kids at work told me he was Jay Z...oooh the creativity!

Happy Halloween!
p.s if anyone ever needs a candy hander outer, feel free to give my dad a call. he is so funny when he answers the door to these trick or treaters that you would have no idea this morning he was really pushing us on the idea of handing out cough drops to gurantee the kids wouldn't come back next year.

when words fail, music speaks

Yesterday a song came on the radio as I was driving to work, and as always I reached for the button to change the station. Not because I hate the song, but actually because I love it, loved it, a few months ago- actually almost a year ago, when it seemed to be the perfect song for me. Everything it said was how I was feeling, it was practically as if I had written it myself, just catchier and with phrases I would never actually say outloud. And I loved it.

That's the thing about music though, you can always always always find a song that captures exactly how you feel at any given moment. For me, and I know for most of you, that song becomes a part of how you end up looking back at that moment in your life and maybe like it does for me, ends up being associated with a memory of someone.


Abracadabra: Sugar Ray- It comes on and I can still do the opening moves form Senior Year Battle of the Classes. For someone like me, who was so painfully shy as a child that my parents forced me to take drama classes to help me get over it, participating in battle {voluntarily} was a huge deal. I loved every second of it. I was part of a team, and not only that but it was something that made a whole bunch of people who were aquaintances after spending years in the same classrooms together, walking the same hallways together, actually spend time together and get to know each other. 

Breakfast at Tiffanys: Deep Blue Something- Summer after freshman year, hanging out in my friend S's basement with a bunch of girls who would become my core group throughout my high school years. Height of Napster fame and use. We must've listened to this song a billion times, among so many others, but this one always reminds me of that summer, being innocent and hanging out with my friends getting ready to get on our bikes and ride across town to someone elses house for the afternoon.

Gold Digger: Kanye West & Jamie Foxx- Junior year of college, with my sorority sisters, at Club Prov, celebrating Miss KD's birthday (which also happens to be today ironically, Happy Birthday lady, if youre reading this!) It might be one the greatest memories I have from college. I remember getting out of work and going to meet everyone at dinner, wearing the simplest outfit I could throw together and feeling grimey because I didn't have time to shower and the smell of subway sandwiches was all I could smell. I remember meeting them for dinner, and being the only people in the restaurant, probably 20 of us all at one long table, laughing and feeling like grownups ordering all sorts of martinis and not getting carded. I remember all heading to Prov, knowing my on again off again guy would be there with all his fraternity brothers, and not really worrying about it. I remember dancing like maniacs in a huge group with my sisters and Big B making a fool out of herself and making us all laugh. I remember thinking to myself "these are the moments that matter".

Scar Tissue: Red Hot Chili Peppers- My first real boyfriend playing it on the drums and promising to teach me to play. Hanging out in his garage, one sunny day watching someone do something they loved and knowing he was going to matter to me.

Tiny Dancer: Elton John - Driving around in my best friends boyfriends tiny car, in the backseat with my friends on our way to Big Man on Campus.The boys singing their hearts out to tiny dancer, one of them being my not yet realized crush, and me holding on to the head rest infront of me since I was sitting on someones lap (oh to be young enough to think I was invincible). Deciding to ditch the whole thing and meet up with all their brothers for breakfast instead, a fantastic Sunday.

Is this love: Bob Marley - Slow dancing in my boyfriends bedroom, one weekend when I was visiting and we had spent hours talking our relationship issues to death. Deciding it would be our wedding song. Moving around and around in circles, dancing in our pajamas, thinking that everything would be okay, telling each other that everything would be okay.

Collide: Howie Day- On the way to the drive in, during a summer night in college with my best friends. the windows were down and we started out singing it quietly to ourselves and ended up belting it out over the noise from the open windows.

Since you've been gone: Kelly Clarkson- Nothing like a guys suck song to help a bunch of girls bond together. Junior year again, at S & K's house getting ready to go out with my sisters, 20 of us crowded into their apartment and belting out this song when it came on the playlist. It became our theme song. Kareoke nights, at the clubs, 24/7.



this pic is actually from that night! just found it :)



Rooftops: Lost Prophets- Senior year, living in my apartment with my boyfriend. Nights when we'd be making dinner listening to music and it would come on. He'd crank it up and we'd sing it as loud as we could, across the apartment, feeling every word of the song. Knowing we were really happy being there, just making dinner, the two of us.

Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard: Paul Simon- Back home again, dancing with my brother in the kitchen, jamming out to the oldies station, while our parents watch us and laugh at us, mostly every time it comes on.

my baby bro and i, we knew how to have a good time

My humps: Black Eyed Peas- I know, sooo cheesy, but utterly fantastic. Reminds me of my best college friends. Dancing like we thought we were so hot, loving this song. Being silly, all dancing together at my one year crossover party.

Rockstar: Nickleback- working at panera in seekonk. after closing we used to bring the radio out to the line and rock out. it was the best job, not because of the work, but because of the people I was glad to be with.

Don't Stop Believing: Journey- College. Every time it came on, no matter who I was with or where I was. Everyone loved this song, everyone sang it simultaneously, and with feeling.

Goodness, I could go on forever really, the number of songs that remind me of something or someone are endless. Sometimes when the song comes on I reach to change it, because sometimes the memories are too hard to deal with, they flood back and the feelings I remember having in them could ruin the rest of my day. At other times, I turn it up and sing along with it like I'm auditioning for American Idol. Music is a tricky thing. It's like a song comes on and suddenly you're like yes! that's exactly how I feel!  The song sticks with you long after the memories have been made. It's why I love it.

oh and that song I heard yesterday that I went to change? What's my name by rihanna & drake. lame I know, but almost a year ago when it came out, it was perfect for what was going on. and it reminds me of someone who even though they turned out to not be what I expected, they ended up being exactly what I needed right then, and that feeling was amazing.

be brave loves,