two things

is it still socially acceptable to identify yourself as a 20 something when you're actually much closer to 30 than 20?

 

ehh.

 

i know i am not the only person i know out there who struggles on the daily about what i'm doing with my life. while many of my friends are getting promoted at their jobs, establishing their careers, getting engaged, buying houses,planning weddings, talking about dinnerware, mortages, potty trainings, grown up things.....i'm just over here thinking about my next move.

 

is that such a bad thing? i'd like to think that it's not so much that im behind in life. or hopelessly dreaming. i think my future is still being made, processed and designed, and sooner or later the pieces will all fall into place and i will wake up one morning and find that i am exactly where i'm supposed to be. in the meantime, i'd rather see my path as a never ending possibility. i may be single, but i'm not alone. i may not know what job i'll be doing in 30 years, but i do know i can find a whole bunch that i enjoy along the way. i'm not planning my wedding, but hell i don't even know how to go on a date so why jump the gun?

 

don't get me wrong. for those of you who are established and are actually real grownups as so many of my friends are, i might envy you, but mostly i am happy for you. i know i'll get there too someday.

 

but why are we all in such a rush? i feel like everyone i know is so stressed out from one thing or the other, and no one is ever really enjoying any part of their day. seriously, look at your facebook timeline. take count of how many of your friends are currently posting a status about how tired they are, how pissed off they are, how they need a vacation/newjob/new body/new everything.

 

how many of them are posting just to say hi to the world? how many are posting about the stranger who complimented them, or how theyre wearing their favorite shirt today, or how they spent five minutes sitting in the sunshine? how many of the posts out of your hundreds of friends are happy, content, inspiring, humble? i'm thinking it's a small number.

 

i'm guilty of this too. just an hour ago i posted a status about my neighbors and our garbage flying around in the street because of how windy it is. (it really is though, i hear things flying around out there and hitting the house!)

 

i wish we'd all just take time in our daily lives to appreciate the little things more. to take a moment to ourselves and just look around and realize all we have, instead of taking it all for granted, and waking up one day five years from now with no recollection of the wonderful experiences that have gone by. or maybe not wake up at all. you never know what tomorrow will bring, we all only have today and even that's not guaranteed.

 

..................

 

anyway, this post got a little off course and i apologize because it's 3 am and i woke up from going to bed early and now here i am wide awake again, but that's alright. i shall leave you with these two things i just stumbled upon for all you fellow 20 somethings out there:

 

a quote:

 

Your twenties are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground

 

and a link that i agree with 90% of:

 

21 ways you should take advantage of your twenties

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams,

 

xo

notsosecret,secret

hey, wanna know a secret?

i want a boyfriend.

ok, to be more specific, i want someone to share my life with. to snuggle up with me and reach things high up on the shelf. someone who is going to check behind the shower curtain, and help carry my groceries in. someone who would've kept me company in the hospital last week, and driven me to the er at 3am. someone to sit down and have dinner with, and catch up on our days. someone to hold my hand.

the truth is, i really am happy with how my life is turning out right now. things seem to be falling into place.

but it would be something even slightly better to have someone to share it with.

but, looking around at my life, looking back at the where i was a year ago or even two years ago...mentally, emotionally...

i'm really okay. and what more can i ask for?

Source: Uploaded by user via Sarah on Pinterest

xo

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

It's moving day, it's moving day!!! After a slight change of plans in which I was supposed to move yesterday, I'm moving today!

i'm a whole mix of emotions, but that's to be expected. i'm worried, excited, sad, happy, unsure, intrigued....tons of things.  i don't know what will happen from here on out, but it's a chance im taking. and i wouldn't be able to take it if it wasnt for the three people who know me best and who i will miss the most...so here is my open letter to them:

Dear Moommy,

I love you. I know you're worried that I'm going to be sitting alone eating dinner. I know you're afraid about me getting sick and being too far away from you. I know you seem to think i am moving to antartica and will not survive the cold weather (that is not so unlike the one i am leaving). I know you are worried about me not using all my potential, that I don't believe in myself enough, that I don't give myself enough credit and don't want me working waiting on tables just to get by. I promise I will be ok. I promise I'll call you and I won't get annoyed when you send me bbm messages filled with all sorts of smiley faces. I actually get a kick out of it when you do. They make me giggle, no matter what I'm doing. I know you wish I could live with you forever, but we both know I had to go sooner or later. You've given me so much, it's about time I go and go do something to deserve it all. I will miss you trying to high five me or give me a fist pump when you crack yourself up at dinner, I will miss you taking care of me when im sick, and even will miss you coming into my room and offering to help me clean up the chaos i like to live in, or wanting to shop around in my stuff to see what you can use. I know you're worried Moommy, but you don't have to be (but I also know telling you you don't have to be is silly, because you wouldn't be you if you didn't worry about me) You taught me how to be a take charge kind of lady moommy, how to not let being a little lady let people take advantage of me, how to work hard, and make a difference in the world. because that's what you do moomy. and I want to be just like you when i grow up, because youre my hero. You work hard for us, and it's time for me to do the same. I know you're proud of me moomy, but it's time i start being proud of myself too. don't worry moomy, i'm just a short drive away, and you know I can't stay away from home for too long. i miss you already.

love,
sarita


Dear Daddy,

I love you. I know you're worried too, even though you haven't said it. I think it's because you know i'll be brave, and probably because you know this is a lesson i'll have to learn on my own. Even though i'll never really be on my own will i?  because I can always count on you to help me when i need it. You listen when i need to talk and you don't judge me. you tell me your secrets because you know i'll keep them. i'll miss sitting quietly at the table with you reading the paper, and getting in each others way in the kitchen. ill have to buy the paper and do the crosswords on my own, but ill probably end up calling you for the clues that stump me since you always seem to know the answer, kind of like you do for every other question i ever have. I'm gonna get it together daddy, im going to figure out a budget and save my money. it's about time for it. i count on you for everything, but i have to learn to do it on my own. it's way past time for it, and i'm lucky you've let me have this long to figure it out. when you were my age you lived a whole lifetime of things i can't even imagine having to do, and i'm lucky for all the things you've given me. one of my most favorite days with you was when we flew to miami to tour that awful campus, ditched in the middle of the tour to go eat, and then spent the rest of the day at the beach swimming in our clothes because we didnt pack..well anything especially not bathing suits, and then we flew back home slightly soggy. when i couldn't sleep and moved to the living room last night because i didnt feel well, i cried all night after you tucked me in. i may be a grown up, but im still really just a little girl who loves her daddy. i promise i'll still talk to you twenty times a day, i'll never be too busy for that. i miss you already. you're my hero too.

love,
your little palomita

Dear Binkaroo,

i love you. I wish we could live together forever, but you already shot down my plan to live next door to each other and build an underground tunnel to connect our houses. you can come visit me whenever you want, even though you think youre only going to see me on holidays. you're my best friend, what will i do without you around every single second? who will watch tv with me and ask me a hundred questions about the shows i watch and then make fun of them the whole time? i'm sorry i'm leaving you to handle dinner time questions on your own, but be patient with mom and dad, they love you so much-- they just want to spend time with you and stay a part of your life, even if they do make you crazy when they're asking a hundred questions. keep working hard in school, but don't stress yourself out so much over it, youre the smarty pants and you know you'll do well no matter what. be careful in the choices you make, and be good and kind like the binkaroo i love. keep your good friends close and always remember how valuable it is to have them when things get tough. don't forget you have me too. leaving you is probably the hardest for me, because I worry you'll forget about me, and won't talk to me so much when i'm not close by. we can still talk every single day and send lots of funny madeup bbmfaces to each other. you can let moomy and daddy read my blog now, they'd probably like it if you showed them how to see it. you're the first friend i ever had and my hero. and i miss you already.

love,
sissy

you three are my most favorite people in the world, and i wish we could stay together forever. i know things will be different now, but we're still a family and im grateful for you,

 and love you every single day.

Source: beyondtherack.com via Denise on Pinterest

ok, sadfaces, sadfaces, i made myself cry writing this one, so off i go.

wish me luck lovebugs, i'm headed off on my adventure. my posts may be here and there until i get my internet situation figured out...but stay tuned to see how my adventure turns out :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

world traveler...maybe.

Growing up, I never wanted to move away from my town. I grew up with friends whose parents had grown up together here, went to high school together, were related to people around the block and across the street. I wanted that connection to a place. I thought my friends and I would grow up, go off to college and come back here to become the new generation of grown ups who grew up together.

Source: scrapstudio.tumblr.com via Jackie on Pinterest

I wanted to have roots somewhere. The kind of roots my dad had wanted when he picked this area, out of all the towns in the country, to move to when he came to America to start a new life over 30 years ago when he was not quite a child but not quite an adult yet barely 20 with a wife, a baby and barely speaking a word of English. My mother came to America when she was 15, used to a strict catholic upbringing in a country I've only read about and have yet to step foot in.

When they met and married they settled here in my town, built a life together, and put down roots. Over the years we moved five times, always in the same town. I grew up here, have friends I've known over 20 years, see my former teachers when I work in the elementary schools, have has kids who were my campers now come back this past summer as counselors. I can go anywhere here and be guaranteed to bump into a former classmate, coworker, parent, random by association acquaintance. My boss now has known me since I was 5 years old and attending the recreation program I now work for.

This is what I always wanted when I was growing up. To live in a town where everyone knows each other, to be around people who have a history together, to be able to grab a cup of coffee with a friend who has known me since I was three feet tall and send my own children to the same elementary school I went to.

Then the summer before my sophmore year of college I decided that I wanted to transfer and go away to school. On a whim I went to an open admissions day in Providence, RI and the rest is history. Living away from my hometown changed me. I learned a lot about myself but mostly I learned that there was a whole world out there that I wanted to explore. I never wanted to move back. At first I was all set to stay in Providence after graduation and find a job in Rhode Island or commute into Boston. My then boyfriend was from Massachusetts and we got the idea that we'd move back to his hometown, into his family home after his parents retired to Florida. We made plans about what we'd change about his childhood home, where we'd apply to work, just all those random decisions you imagine making when you decide you are going to have a  future somewhere.

It didn't work out that way, obviously. We moved back here because I got a good job offer that at the time seemed worth it. We always planned to stay just long enough to work, get promoted and be able to transfer somewhere else.Truth is, not all of my old friends have stuck around here, and the ones who have aren't planning on staying. Neither are my parents or my brother. So what's holding me back then? My relationship didn't last but my desire to move somewhere else has .Some days I can't think about living anywhere but here....but those other days?

Source: thethinkingtank.wordpress.com via bobiejo on Pinterest

I want to go. Explore the world. Visit Europe again. Move to Italy or Spain. Head back to Rhode Island or find a place in Boston. Find a job in Brazil and go. Move near family in Virginia Beach or Austin or Dallas. Au Pair in Prague or Budapest. Head back to where my dad grew up and live more simply in Uruguay. Lately, since I've started blogging and also looking into different career opportunities, I've learned of all these other wonderful places that never occurred to me before as options for me...random cities in Arkansas, Nashville & Memphis in Tennessee, Denver Colorado, Louisville Kentucky. Teach English in Venice, Verona or Vienna. Finding a small home full of southern charm in Charleston, South Carolina.

Source: Uploaded by user via Andrea on Pinterest

I want to go. Who knows what's out there just waiting for me? How will I know if I never try? Years ago, my parents both took their chances leaving what they knew and starting over in a new place, and they were both much younger than I am now and started out with much less. I'd like to think that they both have never regretted their decisions...and I'd also like to think that neither will I.

Besides, you can always go home again, right?

Source: flickr.com via Heather on Pinterest

and some people refuse to settle, for anything less, than butterflies...

Love is like a butterfly;

If you chase it, it will always be beyond your reach.

But if you stand still, then it will come to rest gently on your shoulder.

-unknown

I've pretty much been a little crazy about worrying about my romantic future. I'm afraid that I've got desperate written across my forehead. It may even be possible that I talk about my lack of a love life to anyone and everyone I see on a regular basis. (ok so i basically know i do...but i've been making a conscious effort to stop)

It's just that I thought I'd be married by now, or atleast in a long term relationship with a wonderful man who couldn't wait to spend their life with me and me with them....right. I've been spending so much time worrying and wondering about when I'd meet the man who is going to change my life for the better, make me happier than I've ever been, just sweep me off my feet...I'm also worrying that I've been spending so much time wondering and worrying that I'm forgetting to live in the here and now. The thing is it's a little rough being the single girl among so many happy go lucky, contented coupled people. I don't know where or how to meet someone..the bar scene isnt working out...and I'm not in school anymore...and I don't work somewhere that I'm likely to meet anyone..

Maybe I'm alone here but I'd like to meet a guy who wants to get to know me. Someone who calls just to say hi, and dosen't play games. Someone who has dreams and is doing his best to make them a reality. I'd like to meet someone who sees me across the room and smiles ear to ear. Someone who kisses me often and hugs me without caring who sees. Someone who has family values regardless of what kind of family they come from. Someone who laughs at my jokes and thinks the little quirks I have are adorable even if they are weird. Someone who will fight for me, and stand beside me, who will protect me and defend me. Someone who dosen't push me for more than I'm ready for and understands that I want to take it slow. Someone who would never betray me or take me for granted. Someone who tells me I'm beautiful every day, even when I'm just waking up and have awful bed hair and sleep eyes.Someone who is so amazingly kind, honest, respectful, just good that they make me want to be a better person. Someone who will grab me and spin me around on a dance floor without minding my lack of rythym but loves staying home and snuggling on the couch with me just as much. Someone who is made up of so many things...more than I can write about. Sure there's tons of physical things I'd like in my future love too, but that dosen't really matter. When I meet him, he'll be everything I've ever wanted in a man, and I'll just think to myself "yes, there you are." And he'll be not so perfect, but he'll be perfect for me. Everything I ever thought I wanted in a man, and so many more things I didn't know I was looking for.

So wherever you are my future love, whether you turn out to be the man I marry or just the man who helps me believe in love again, maybe I already know you, or you're just around the corner, I'm waiting for you. No, I'm not idily sitting by waiting for you to show up on my doorstep, not anymore atleast. But I'm waiting for you, with open arms, a funny joke, a heart full of hope, and a mind full of dreams of a future together with you.

be brave loves,