Work hard, play harder

As I like to do every few months or so (mostly after attending another wedding alone actually), I sign myself up for online dating. Why, I'm not really sure because really I've read entirely too many books that have ruined me from ever meeting anyone any other way besides some hopelessly romantic comedy scenario like our dogs leashes intertwine at the dog park or something and our eyes lock and we fall madly in love in an instant. Now don't ask me how I actually expect that to happen since I neither walk my dog, on a leash or at all, nor do we go to dog parks (this makes me sound really neglectful as a dog mommy but he runs wild in our yard all day and night thanks to his fancy doggy door. If I tried to take him anywhere on a leash he'd probably look at me like...mom, what's happening right now?). But anyway one of these days this sort of thing is bound to happen right? Right. 

In the meantime, online dating I will go. And you know what I've noticed besides the fact that apparently I'm equally undesirable as my online version of myself as I am in real life, but some guys really have no clue. And so I present to you the following findings of things I have questions about: 

- " I work hard and play harder" ....really, what does this mean and why do people say it? 

-profile pictures of your car. Unless you're telling me you're a transformer I could care less. You know what I'd like to see a picture of? You, to make sure you don't have three heads. 

-speaking of pictures...why do you post pictures of you with tons of girls? Bonus points if the girls are scantily clad. Like...is that your sister? The at risk youth you volunteer with? I have no idea because you don't include captions. And really if you're so popular with the ladies, why aren't you dating one of them? Unless you already did soooo...

-what's with the creepy, obnoxious or just lame usernames? "Thekingnumba1" isn't winning you any points. Neither is "theoneurlookingfor_6969" I mean really? You know which also doesn't work? "Noonelikesme" or "youwontmsgmeneway" um ok. You sound like lots of fun. 

-and last but not least: messaging me " hey sexy mama here's my number, hit me up if you want to get to know each other" first of off, yuck. Why are you calling me sexy mama? Is my name not working for you? And secondly, why would you think I'd call a person I don't know when I'd barely give my number to a guy I'm actually looking at in real life at a bar. Does that work for you? Do girls actually text you like that? 

And that folks concludes my online dating experience so far for today. Also, does it make me a bad person if a guy who says his interests are playing dungeons and dragons, going to reenactments, posting weird pictures of himself laying down, and uses a lot of exclamation points (hi! I'm Steve! How are you! You seem nice!) messages me and I just don't want to reply? Survey says: I'm a b word. #reasonswhyimstillsingle

With a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

one.

So on Friday, after being called "mommy" no less than ten times, and feeling like a big germy mess, I desperately wanted a margarita.

anyway, I had plans with a new friend who had to cancel so I figured is proceed with my happy hour plans on my own. I hopped on a bus and began one of what I hope to be many nyc happy hour adventures. I went to my friends place of employment and stuffed myself full of two margaritas and guacamole, and an interesting thought occurred to me: I was alone, but I wasn't lonely.The whole place had filled up around me, with groups it couples, so close to me that I actually scootched my chair over a little to the left so we wouldn't bump elbows, but I was alone. 

And you know what? I really didn't mind it. I caught up with friends via text, I read a book, I people watched, I talked myself into ordering a quesadilla, and I wrote a lovely, thought provoking margarita induced post which I later lost somewhere between hitting "save draft" and attempting to hail a taxi on my own for the first time ever. 

I'm not a stranger to solo activities. I haven't quite mastered going to the movies on my own but I've got shopping, dining, and road tripping down pat. And maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe being able to recognize a friendship within myself is another blessing to count on Sundays.

Well hello there

Testing, testing, is anyone still out there? 

If you are, props to you for sticking around. I haven't posted in months, and for a bit before that too apparently. Who knows why since I sure have had a lot to say and enough time to write it in between my train, subway, bus, plane and horse and buggy commute to and from work. 

Oh work? You must be asking what the heck I'm doing with my life these days..well I got a job. Teaching. Pre k. So I'm molding the minds of tomorrow one hug at a time. 

I don't have much anything new to report really. I'm still "finding myself", still single, still looking for my own romantic comedy with a happy ending. Still searching for answers to so many puzzling questions like why do people listen to their music so loud at 6am on the train, or why the nickname for William is bill, OR why harem pants are a thing. 

Basically that's what I've been doing.  If you're still here, then thanks. I'm back, and ready to share my random thoughts if anyone's still interested. 

With a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams. 

xo

Sarah

seashells & seaweed

almost every day after camp I make a valiant attempt to go to the beach, because really I feel like it's a disservice to myself if I don't go considering I live about ten minutes away from some pretty beautiful beaches.

anyway, today while in the middle of a serious thinking session that really had no place during beach time, I was interrupted by the most adorable little boy, Christopher. He came up to me and held out a seashell, so I figured he was giving it to me. I asked him "is that for me?" and he cracked up, says no! and ran away.  I went back to pondering my life and all that nonsense when suddenly there he was again, running up to me. this time he held out a seashell and said "I got you something!" I made a big fuss over it, thanked him and off he went. I pulled out my kindle and got back to the chapter I had to tear myself away from last night...and then he was back. This little kid continued to bring me his "treasures" until I had a good pile sitting in my lap: a piece of driftwood, a clump of seaweed, shells, broken bits, rocks. He'd show me, tell me he brought it for me, laugh and then off he'd go. his grandma called to me "looks like you made a friend!" yeah, and I didn't mind one bit.

and you know what? he totally made my day. this little boy randomly decided to start sharing his treasures with me and didn't even know how his kindness warmed my heart.

kids are so funny.

bet ya bottom dollarrrrrr, that tomorrowwwww

When I was going into fourth grade my parents were going through some tough financial times and  because of that we moved and I had to switch schools. (It's weird hearing about things from your parents point of view years down the road. To hear my parents talk about this period in our lives, I was completely oblivious to the financial struggles they were dealing with on a daily basis. Like completely naïve. It makes me feel guilty and bratty, but it can't change that now, just trying to be more aware in the present)

Anyway, in my town we have about six elementary schools so really it wasn't a big huge deal, but for me it definitely was. I was shy, I was leaving my best friend, and teachers I loved. Not to mention the boy who was my absolutely, can't breathe, can't sleep, one true love Scott L . Because you know, you totally know you're in love when your 8. (Awkward, if people actually read this and know who he is..I'm embarrassed for my 8 year old self) So there I was my first week of 4th grade and I get pulled out of my school and plopped into my new one. In my new kid welcome packet I got a pencil that said "School 8 is great!" which I then proceeded to change the words and went around saying " I hate School 8" for about three weeks.

Clearly, while being shy, I was also prone to theatrics.

SO somehow my parents got the idea to sign me up for this drama playhouse thing for kids, where my best friend and I would go once a week after school and take drama classes, culminating in showcase performance for an audience. So week after week we went and practiced and I debated the absolute huge decision of if I would belt out Annie's "Tomorrow" or be really epic and recite this huge poem that was like three pages in our drama books. I decided on the poem because 10 other girls were going to sing "Tomorrow" and practiced until I knew every word by heart. Cut to the night before our performance when we were doing the dry run. We were all told to line up in order, go out on stage when our names were called, announce our names and the title of what we were doing stand for a few minutes and then walk off. No practicing of our actual performance. AND GUESS WHAT?! I was picked to go first. So there we are the night of our performance...they call my name, I was so pumped...I walked out to that stage, looked out into the bright lights of my acting debut and said......: "Hi I'm Sarah, and I'm going to recite insertnameofrandompoemhere", gave a bigggggg smile, took a bow.....and walked off stage.

cricket, cricket.


it took me walking off stage, behind the curtain and down the stairs to the wings where everyone in my group was waiting before I realize I didn't actually recite my poem.

right. awkward.

SO I had to turn myself around, go back onto the stage and give myself a do over. without crying of embarrassment, which was a feat in itself.

what's the point of this long winded trip down memory lane to my very first acting debut you may be asking yourself?

.......whenever I'm on an interview and I get asked my very first question and am expected to essentially perform for this stranger to demonstrate my talents and capabilities-- well, I turn into that 8 year old girl who got caught up in the glare of the spotlights, completely blanked, and can't remember what she's supposed to be doing.

but as my 8 year old self discovered that night, all you have to do is take a deep breath, look straight out into the crowd, and fake it til you make it. and then give a bigggg smile when you're done. and that's what I did today, during my teaching demo lesson that I was so nervous I thought I'd drown in my sweat.


the end.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams
xo


{random: but one of my favorite memories with my family is during out first night in our new house (which is now our old house...we move A LOT), when the four of us slept on blankets on the floor in what would be our living room, that was actually this huge double parlor, all together like we were camping because our furniture wasn't unpacked yet}

p.s. have you liked my facebook page  yet? go for it!

"Life is really just beautiful moments, one after the other"

I'm linking up with Lisette & Catalyn for their Just Because blog hop and thought this was a good post to share for today..just because we could all use a reminder to value our every days a little more.



So when I see a lot of people sharing the same videos over and over again on Facebook, I usually try to hold myself back from clicking the links just incase it's a virus or some other such nonsense. but yesterday I felt drawn to this one link I kept seeing so I clicked it, and I think after watching it...

I feel changed.

 

here, watch it for yourself: My Last Days: Meet Zach Sobiech

 

If you know me, you know that I am absolutely terrified of dying. If we start talking about it, even if I am alone and start thinking of it, one thought leads to another and I panic...it's an awful thing, an irrational fear since it's an inevitable fate for us all. I'm learning how to cope with this fear but honestly I don't know how everyone else isn't walking around constantly panicking about this as well, but that's another post for another day.

 

watching this video, learning about someone who knew he was dying every single day with a very real ending, it just moved me.

 

Things I learned from Zach Sobiech: someone I had never even heard of until his passing on Monday, and yet I feel like he has left us with such a profound message.

 

"life is really just beautiful moments, one after the other"

 

watching him reflect on his life, and prepare for his death mystified me. He wasn't angry, or bitter, and while some might say those are feelings he might have showed off camera...I think he really was at peace with what was happening and I envy that. He was living every single day as much as possible, not letting it pass him by. he loved his life. he loved his family. he loved his friends. and he let them all know. he touched the lives of those around him, and now so many more. there's just so much he touches upon through this video that to me, I find deeply profound for someone who is so young, but seems so much wiser than people I know ten years older than him.

 

" It's really simple actually, just try and make people happy"

 

 he talks about teens and their view on being invincible which is so true. how many times have I heard my high school students talk about things as if danger doesn't exist for them, as if they're immortal. He talks about people being afraid of death and the unknown and puts it in a whole new perspective that I've never thought of.

 

" it's kind of like sitting in the dark so you could just be freaking out in the dark thinking about what's out there, or you could just relax and fall asleep, and just be happy and content with everything"

 

here is the special music video for his song clouds made for him by celebrities and friends if you'd like to see it.

 

and perhaps the most important message he left the world with:

 

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living" - Zach Sobiech

 

rest peacefully Zach.

 

start living people.

 

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

 

Sarah

adding up your blessings will multiply your joy

hello out there!
is anyone still here patiently waiting for me to return to my beloved space in this blog world? if you are, my apologies for falling off the edge of the blogging map, I really have no good reason so i'll spare you my excuses. let's get right to it shall we?

 

yesterday I attended the wedding of one of my most favorite friends from college. during the speeches it was mentioned that they had been dating now for three years, and it took me back for a moment. three years? already? I remember talking to him the night of their first date and really I feel like it was just a little while ago and yet, apparently, it's been three years.

 

do you know that song from rent 525,600 minutes?  for those of you who don't it goes a little something like this:

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes

- how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

how DO you measure a year in your life? good question.

so while I was contemplating how three years have gone by for this couple I started thinking about other things that have marked the last three years in my sphere of relativity: I graduated from college again, moved away from home and out of state, and moved back. my friends have gotten married, had babies, bought houses, and gotten divorced. I have made friends, lost friends, grieved deaths, and celebrated achievements. I've had more jobs than I should admit too, and decided I'm still lost as always. I have loved deeply, had my heart broken so severely, found myself slipping to a very bottom I had only read about in books, and slowly built myself back up little by little. I started this blog three years ago, right before my 25th birthday, and yet just last week I celebrated my 28th year in this world.

Three years have just passed me by, and I'm not quite sure how. I can recall profound moments that feel as if they are freeze framed in my memory as instances in which the course of my life was being changed at that very moment the memory was being made. I can recall moments that seem completely ordinary, and yet hold some significant meaning to me. I have laughed uncontrollably, embarrassed myself so much I hoped the floor would swallow me up. I've made choices I instantly regretted the moment after saying yes, and danced into the wee hours of the morning not caring who was watching. I've done many things, and yet not enough things, lived my life, and also withdrew into myself.

three years have passed and I've found myself- grown into my own person, but at the same time am as undecided about what I want to do in my life as I was when I was 25, or 20, maybe more so now then when I was 15. but that's okay.

here's what I do know: I want to live. I want to know, that at the very end of my life, I have experienced every wonderful thing I could, in my power and within reason, experience. I want to be happy, and feel fulfilled. I want to have made a difference to someone. at least one person.

so what have I been doing the last three years? however many minutes, moments,  and memories that adds up to?

I've been living moments.


with an heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

how you spent your dash

Hello dear friends!

are you still here?!

it's been awhile, i know, i know. 

I've been a little bit all over the place lately- moving, leaving my job, sorting some things out so i've just felt..quiet. not sure what i want to share, or write, or even if it's worth anything. i'm on a self imposed blog hiatus but i just read something that i needed to share. 

while wide awake at 5:30 in the morning i decided to do a little catch up of my favorite blogs and read this post from Taylor over at The Daily Tay

grab tissues before you read it. seriously.

which led me to the blog of this mother and her beautiful family, dealing with a loss while celebrating a new life, and I literally could not stop reading. Their story has touched my heart, as I'm sure it does for anyone who learns about their story.

In one post, the mother (whose name I cannot figure out, so I apologize for not referring to her by name) shares this poem, which I am sharing with all of you out there. It's beautiful, it rings so very true and puts so very much into perspective.
 I hope it touches your hearts, as it did mine on this morning, during a time where I find myself struggling with things big & small, and mostly wondering exactly how i fit into this world.


The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was “the dash” between those years
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash”


with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

two things

is it still socially acceptable to identify yourself as a 20 something when you're actually much closer to 30 than 20?

 

ehh.

 

i know i am not the only person i know out there who struggles on the daily about what i'm doing with my life. while many of my friends are getting promoted at their jobs, establishing their careers, getting engaged, buying houses,planning weddings, talking about dinnerware, mortages, potty trainings, grown up things.....i'm just over here thinking about my next move.

 

is that such a bad thing? i'd like to think that it's not so much that im behind in life. or hopelessly dreaming. i think my future is still being made, processed and designed, and sooner or later the pieces will all fall into place and i will wake up one morning and find that i am exactly where i'm supposed to be. in the meantime, i'd rather see my path as a never ending possibility. i may be single, but i'm not alone. i may not know what job i'll be doing in 30 years, but i do know i can find a whole bunch that i enjoy along the way. i'm not planning my wedding, but hell i don't even know how to go on a date so why jump the gun?

 

don't get me wrong. for those of you who are established and are actually real grownups as so many of my friends are, i might envy you, but mostly i am happy for you. i know i'll get there too someday.

 

but why are we all in such a rush? i feel like everyone i know is so stressed out from one thing or the other, and no one is ever really enjoying any part of their day. seriously, look at your facebook timeline. take count of how many of your friends are currently posting a status about how tired they are, how pissed off they are, how they need a vacation/newjob/new body/new everything.

 

how many of them are posting just to say hi to the world? how many are posting about the stranger who complimented them, or how theyre wearing their favorite shirt today, or how they spent five minutes sitting in the sunshine? how many of the posts out of your hundreds of friends are happy, content, inspiring, humble? i'm thinking it's a small number.

 

i'm guilty of this too. just an hour ago i posted a status about my neighbors and our garbage flying around in the street because of how windy it is. (it really is though, i hear things flying around out there and hitting the house!)

 

i wish we'd all just take time in our daily lives to appreciate the little things more. to take a moment to ourselves and just look around and realize all we have, instead of taking it all for granted, and waking up one day five years from now with no recollection of the wonderful experiences that have gone by. or maybe not wake up at all. you never know what tomorrow will bring, we all only have today and even that's not guaranteed.

 

..................

 

anyway, this post got a little off course and i apologize because it's 3 am and i woke up from going to bed early and now here i am wide awake again, but that's alright. i shall leave you with these two things i just stumbled upon for all you fellow 20 somethings out there:

 

a quote:

 

Your twenties are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground

 

and a link that i agree with 90% of:

 

21 ways you should take advantage of your twenties

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams,

 

xo

you might say i'm a dreamer.

looking for a job is a weird thing.

i basically want to say "hi, hire me please because i'm awesome and think this job would be pretty great and might turn out to be the job that causes me to sit back and say 'i love going to work every day!' and if that's the case, i'll put 110% of myself into it, because i appreciate this opportunity.

my skills include: facebook creeping, writing about random things, baking cupcakes and rice krispy treats, being crafty and pinterest inspired, singing along to the radio like i'm on american idol, making up recipes with whatevers in the cupboards, napping long into the day, making the most of a spot of sunshine, laughing at mostly everything, and sending cards just because.

Why would I be a good fit for this job? Well, i don't know. how do you ever really know how someone will be? really, who cares about what they majored in in college, or what degree they have. if you love the job you have, you'll excel at it, because it makes you happy. I have a teaching degree, but i love cooking so how do you know i couldn't be a successful chef just because i don't have a degree in it? blogging has become the outlet for my long ago lost writings i used to scribble down...so maybe i'm destined to be a writer? ( one that doesn't use capital letters, and lots of {...} ) or if i actually had all the time in the world to be as crafty as i wanted, maybe i could be one of those girls who starts up her own business selling the things lovingly made by hand.....or something like that.

my point is, finding the job you love shouldn't be so hard and for lots of people i suppose it's not. they've always known since apparently forever, what they wanted to be when they grew up. for me, it's not like that. i want to be a million things, and love every single thing i do. life is short, and i don't want to be someone who dreads going to work in the morning, and who counts the seconds until it's time to leave for the day. i want to be happy, use my creativity on an hourly basis, be someone who makes a difference in the life of someone else. i want to know that at the end of the day i have done something to leave a mark on this world. however small, however slight. one of these days i'll find that something that allows me to be those things, and be happy doing it. to some i suppose i seem flaky, always thinking of something else i want to do and be. maybe it's because i've been encouraged to think i could do anything i ever wanted, maybe it's because of all the books i've read, the ideas i have, the life i've imagined for myself. maybe it's because i am afterall, a dreamer.

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams,

 

xo

who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home?


I've been keeping a not so secret secret: I'm moving back home.
I'm not sure when--maybe next month, maybe in six months, but I know I'm going.
My life here in Rhode island has been interesting, but my moving here was a mistake from probably the first week. I've had good times, and not so good times, and met a lot of people I wouldnt have, if I had never come back here, but now this chapter in my life is coming to a close. (Again)
It's funny, because I so desperately wanted to move away last year, and now I would move back tomorrow if I could. I guess I had to go away to really appreciate what I was leaving behind.
I'll miss things and people here from my Rhode island life, but if they're really meant to stay in my life they will.

my parents are thrilled, my brother is undecided. i think i might be winning him over though.

So, who wants to help me find a job back in new york? :) 

highs & lows

...my day

 

 

high: my shiny red gel manicure

 

low: everything else

 

 

 

...the end.

Now & then

My intense desire to move home again is rivaled only by last years urge to move away.
The irony of my decisions never ceases to surprise me.
It turns out, you really always really can go home again.

...

The father of a friend of mine,

 who I've known for what seems like my whole life,

passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.

 

She is actually the fourth friend of mine in four months that has lost her father.

I am shocked. and deeply, deeply saddened for their losses, for their families, for the future that will now go on, without their fathers.

 

It is a future that seems unfathomable to me. And tomorrow when I go home, I will squeeze my parents extra tight. Because I cannot imagine my life without them, being just a phone call away, or in the next room. to ask random questions, tell them something silly, share big news, or ask for help. My parents support me mentally, physically and more often than not, financially.

My heart breaks for my friends who are hurting. and really, it breaks for us all, who will one day have to know the loss of the people who brought us into the world, who held us at night, and witnessed our first steps.

 

These things are not supposed to happen. I know that it's the way the life cycle works, but they shouldn't happen. whether we are in our teens, our twenties or our sixties, our parents are our parents. and we are all just kids, figuring out our lives, sometimes taking for granted that our parents have always been there, and shouldn't have to know what life is like without them.

 

things happen, we don't know why and we can't rationalize it. death happens, and you never know when. so tomorrow, when i go home, i will hug my parents extra tight. and i will tell them again how much i love them. as i have every day since i was old enough to mean it. because you just never know.

 

 

 

2013

Hello friends!

are we all still here in one piece? i hope so :)

 

i've taken a bit of a blogging break as you might have noticed (i'm talking to you katie lamia, my #1 fan!) but it wasn't intentional. sometimes, life gets in the way and before you know it a week, or two (or three!) have just flown by.

 

 

...sounds like a bunch of excuses to me, but ok, forgive me anyway?

 

happiest of new years to one and all!

personally, i happen to think we should all reflect on our lives every day, not just when one or another holiday rolls around, but that's just me. sooo in that case:
happy today & happy tomorrow to you!

 

i suppose it's time for the obligatory "resolutions" list of 2013, so here it goes!

 

i resolve to....

 

... clear out my junkmail. unsubscribe from the mass amounts of junk clogging up my inbox. unsubscribe from negative people clogging up my newsfeed, and my life. not feel guilty about it.

 

... work out in some way, every day. take the stairs. park farther away. do situps during commercials or something. actually use the gym membership i get for free. you get my point.

 

... compliment myself every day. i might be harder on myself then anyone else could be. and if i don't love and respect myself why should i expect anyone else to?

.... put $10 into my savings account every paycheck. yeah, $10 is small realistically, but considering i don't save anything in the first place, it's a start.

... hop back on my weight watchers plan. when i first started, i lost ten pounds without even realizing it....then the holidays came and i put it right back on. i'm going to the grocery store in the morning.

... take chances. apply for the job i want, make friends, actually attempt to date, leave my apartment. i feel like time is flying by and i keep looking back and wondering where the last few years of my life have gone.

... be happy. read a book. drink more water. phone a friend. enjoy the sunshine.

...that's it for now i suppose. and now that i think of it, it's all really about improving the quality of my life every single day, not just once a year, so i should just add on something new everyday,
 so here i go...

what are your resolutions?