never again will i take having hot water for granted

  Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. 

Maybe, you have to let go of who you were 

to become who you will be -- SaTC

Hello, hello my little lovebugs!! and 

welcome to the new faces i see somewhere over there ---->

thanks for visiting me ( and sticking with me!) when i've been so sporadic with my posts lately!

let's play catch up shall we? 

i've been on blogging hiatus for entirely too long and NOT by choice and it's making me oh so very sad..

im literally having withdrawals from not being able to stalk all of you or pin tons of things i think i can make, see, look like, travel to at all hours of the day or night to my hearts content on my pinterest.

i missed out on my favorite link ups, have gotten news about blog friends days later and am overall way behind.

SO sad. 

time for a recap:

i moved. i have experienced some glitches with things i have always expected to have on a daily basis...

such as: cable...internet...hot water...cooking gas..a job.

yes yes i realize cable and internet are actually luxuries but so what? i like having them, and currently do not. 

i also don't want to have them set up yet without being gainfully employed..but working on that theory i should probably also not have rented an apartment and moved to another state for the same reasons. 

apparently my roommate has lived without them for the entire time he's lived in the apt and how he has is beyond me..but maybe he's not as obsessed with pining and other thing i spend hours online doing.

hot water & cooking gas. i do not have these. i haven't since the day i moved in. please take a moment to think that over. due to personal reasons that aren't mine to discuss b/w my roommate and his former roommate, the gas company decided to turn off the gas in our apt. had i fully understood what that meant i probably wouldn't have moved in so quickly...but you know, unless someone has a time machine to lend me there's really no point in dwelling on that....

but please imagine what it's like to a. take a freezing cold shower if you would like to bathe...b. heat up container upon container of water in the microwave until you have enough to clean yourself or c. visit your other friends every day who will take pity on you and let you shower at their homes.

not good. maybe i'm a spoiled brat but i enjoy hot water. and showering daily. and in my own home. sooo this hasn't really helped make my transition as smooth as i would've liked. 

as my brother put it when he came to visit me this past weekend "i showered better in peru and THERE i had to poop in a hole in the ground" 

tmi? maybe. 

and because there's no gas, i can't cook anything, unless it's in the microwave. do you know how annoying it is to go grocery shopping and have to think of only things you can eat as is or in the microwave so you don't waste tons of money on one time only fast food meals? annoying.

also, as the girl who's always sick, i've been sick since before christmas. so for anyone who's counting that's made me have some awful illness every three weeks for the last six months. yep. soo i'm a big baby and ran away from my no hot water home and drove the three hours to go have my parents take care of me at my home home and visit my doctor so he can laugh at me and hear for himself what i sound like...he was impressed. said so himself " you know for a NON smoker, you have a great smokers cough"
(disclaimer: before i re-read this again a few hours later, i didnt notice i left out the NON part in NON smoker. )

thanks doc. now give me more meds. 

so here i am at home, not less than two weeks after i packed my stuff and moved away from it, determined to set out on my own. and even better than that is that i didnt even tell anyone here or there that i was gone. except my roommate who i told after i had already gotten home and that was because i wanted him to eat the already made food that i left so it wouldnt be a total waste.

the ridiculousness of my life right now is not lost on me. 

anywho...what's up with you guys? i hope the new year is treating you all well :)

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

oh and P.S. stay tuned because I'm hosting my very first giveaway during this week!! 

chapter...1ish

Source: tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Some may say this move of mine is really me taking two steps forward, one step back. Trying to go back to what once was.

And maybe I am. But I prefer to look at it as an adventure. A do over to live my life the way I had intended to live it before I let someone elses opinions change my direction and sent me on a course I was hesitant to take in the first place. because that chapter in my life is closed, and has been for quite some time now.

Last night, at my farewell shindig, I was talking with an old friend I've known since kindergarten who happened to be in town for the holidays. She has lived in many different cities and is now planning on moving again in may when she finishes school. She was telling us about how she picked this new city, despite only visiting it once during a long weekend, because it just felt right to her. She could see herself living a life there. It was one of those places that felt more like home to her than our actual hometown.

I know that feeling. That's how I've picked my places too. That's how I ended up going to college in providence all those years ago after only spending one day there, for a few hours, and only with the intention of attending an open admissions day and applying for the miami campus, but being miami was a plane ride away, driving to rhode island seemed more logical.

I went, and saw a possibility of a future there. I did end up visiting the miami campus a few weeks later, hating it and immediately deciding on attending the providence one instead.

Because that's how I make my choices. On a whim, based on a feeling. And it works for me. This move might be for a few months or it could be for a few years. You never know. Maybe I'll get a dream offer for a job in charleston, sc and up and go. Maybe I meet someone who changes my life and they want to move to austin. maybe i finally can save up enough money to travel abroad and end up staying in europe for a year, or two or three.  maybe, i'll bump into Prince Harry and he falls madly in love with me.

Hey, a girl can dream right?

The fact of the matter is that I made this choice and now i'm sticking to it. i'm going back to a place that I loved living in, love going back to, love the way i feel when i'm there. i'll give it my best chance, because really, that's what life is all about isn't it...taking chances? there's no guarantees that it will all work out, that i will be instantly happier, that everything will suddenly fall into place, but really what do i have to lose?

we were all given a life, and it's up to us to live it. fill it up. appreciate it and make it count.

so yeah, maybe my plan isn't solid. maybe i don't have all the details set in stone. but that's part of the fun of it all. it wouldn't be an adventure if i was completely planning on following a roadmap.

Source: blog.freepeople.com via Taylor on Pinterest

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah

alis volat propriis

it's official:

i'm moving.

i haven't gotten a job offer yet, or a definite place to live but those are just details.

it's official because i said so.

it's official because i have my heart set on it.

it's official because of the overwhelming amount of positive reactions

 i've gotten from people i've been away from for far too long.

it's official because all of the things i was counting on here haven't panned out,

or have just fallen through.

it's official because it's about time i make decisions for myself,

take responsiblity for myself,

and move on with my life

my parents disagree.

we will probably end up fighting about this

 until the day i pack up the car, and probably for days and weeks after that.

but i really hope not.

i really hope that after i return from my weekend of interviewing next week,

they've had some sort of revelation.

a change of heart.
their approval matters too much to me to leave with them disappointed in me
their support matters even more.

it may not be the way they would go about doing things
but it's the way i want to do them.

they did make me, after all.
two people who took their own risks way back when and left their countries
without any gurantee that their lives would be any better in this one.

and yet. it was. and it's because they took a chance.

they're just worried.

they want me to be financially secure.

in a career with benefits and a solid schedule.

in the history of my life,

this may be up there in my random acts of rebellion.

i was really a play by the rules kind of teenager.

saying im going to up and move away from them is a pretty big deal.

in my adult life

i job hop. i hobby hop. i dream hop.

it's just how i am

i haven't found my place yet, but i will.

that's all im trying to do here, with this idea of moving.

just find my place in the world.

maybe it'll be in the ocean state,

maybe it won't be.

but i'll never find out if i don't take a chance.

you know what my tattoo says?

alis volat propriis

she flies with her own wings

i got it during a time when i felt like the world was closing in around me.

i was literally engulfed by a feeling i couldn't shake.

an overwhelming sadness that hurt me all the way into my core.

those were the days, weeks,...months really

where everything seemed very bleak.

i worried i would never laugh again.

i would never get myself out of the hole i felt myself sinking further into.

i got it on my wrist as a reminder,

every single day, that i would be ok

that i would pick myself up,

put myself back together

and fly.

soar.

reach out as far as i could

and experience every single thing the world had to offer me

on my own.

with my own free will.

with my own wings.

and that's what i'm going to do.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah