Sunday, May 19, 2013

adding up your blessings will multiply your joy

hello out there!
is anyone still here patiently waiting for me to return to my beloved space in this blog world? if you are, my apologies for falling off the edge of the blogging map, I really have no good reason so i'll spare you my excuses. let's get right to it shall we?
yesterday I attended the wedding of one of my most favorite friends from college. during the speeches it was mentioned that they had been dating now for three years, and it took me back for a moment. three years? already? I remember talking to him the night of their first date and really I feel like it was just a little while ago and yet, apparently, it's been three years.
do you know that song from rent 525,600 minutes?  for those of you who don't it goes a little something like this:

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes
- how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

how DO you measure a year in your life? good question.

so while I was contemplating how three years have gone by for this couple I started thinking about other things that have marked the last three years in my sphere of relativity: I graduated from college again, moved away from home and out of state, and moved back. my friends have gotten married, had babies, bought houses, and gotten divorced. I have made friends, lost friends, grieved deaths, and celebrated achievements. I've had more jobs than I should admit too, and decided I'm still lost as always. I have loved deeply, had my heart broken so severely, found myself slipping to a very bottom I had only read about in books, and slowly built myself back up little by little. I started this blog three years ago, right before my 25th birthday, and yet just last week I celebrated my 28th year in this world.

Three years have just passed me by, and I'm not quite sure how. I can recall profound moments that feel as if they are freeze framed in my memory as instances in which the course of my life was being changed at that very moment the memory was being made. I can recall moments that seem completely ordinary, and yet hold some significant meaning to me. I have laughed uncontrollably, embarrassed myself so much I hoped the floor would swallow me up. I've made choices I instantly regretted the moment after saying yes, and danced into the wee hours of the morning not caring who was watching. I've done many things, and yet not enough things, lived my life, and also withdrew into myself.

three years have passed and I've found myself- grown into my own person, but at the same time am as undecided about what I want to do in my life as I was when I was 25, or 20, maybe more so now then when I was 15. but that's okay.

here's what I do know: I want to live. I want to know, that at the very end of my life, I have experienced every wonderful thing I could, in my power and within reason, experience. I want to be happy, and feel fulfilled. I want to have made a difference to someone. at least one person.

so what have I been doing the last three years? however many minutes, moments,  and memories that adds up to?

I've been living moments.

with an heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams


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