I've been sick in bed for a few days soo here's what I've managed to do with my free time while camped out on my island of germs:
- watched the entire season of america's next top model cycle 15
- caught up on all the blogs I follow
- got deeper into the book I picked up at a borders closeout earlier this week
- caught up with some school friends
- (online) window shopped for things I was supposed to buy today, had I left the house
- planned my dinner menu for next week when I'll have free reign over my kitchen
- lotsss of other random, semi useless, almost productive things that cheered me up even if they were silly :)
anyhoww, whats up with every one I know getting engaged? it's seems like every single time i sign onto facebook theres a whole new batch of people throwing out congratulations to a new happy couple. sigh. don't get me wrong, I am fully capable of being happy for them, every single (or should i say coupled) last one of them, but I really, really, reallllly cannot wait for when it's my turn. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "when you least expect it, youll meet someone" I'd be seriously rich by now. I spent a few days with one of my best friends from college earlier this week, who happened to date the best friend of my ex, and we both agreed that while we do not miss that dynamic duo, we do miss the idea of them. being able to share your life with someone, who becomes not only your best friend but perhaps your biggest fan and supporter. i miss having that person who is interested in my life , lights up when they see me across the room, and reaches for me in the middle of the night. someone who makes my life better by being in it, and i do the same for them.
i have hope though. i honestly, really do. i dodged a bullet with my ex, i realize that now. i was settleing for something that i thought i deserved. maybe i was afraid or maybe i thought that we could work through our issues to make it all work...but really it shouldnt have been so hard. and i deserve more. luckily, my old friend is now in a wonderful relationship. being in the home she shares with her love, just watching them interact, listening to how they spoke to each other, hearing her talk about him and finally seeing it all for myself did something for me. it gave me renewed hope. and as much as it makes me a little nuts to see another engagement annoucement every day...and lets be honest here, i also feel a slight stab of jealousy..those couples fill me with hope too. every day i get a little bit stronger, a little bit braver, and that crack in my heart heals itself up just a little bit more.
oh and that new book i picked up at the borders close out? "dating for dummies" :)
yeah, yeah, go ahead and judge me. but i was waiting for my friend who was looking for cookbooks and i wanted to sit down in a quiet spot and just hang out, gather myself together after running around in the rain in boston, and read. and i know you might not know this about me but i always have a book handy, alwaysss! except ofcourse this one time. luckily, i was sitting in a bookstore that is practically giving everything away. AND i happened to have chosen to sit down right next to the self help section. AND i just walked up to a shelf and grabbed the first book that caught my eye, and it just happened to be "dating for dummies", and the only copy. soo i took it as a sign. and i am BIG on signs. especially after spending a few days talking to my friend about her relationship and our past relationships, love, moving on and all that stuff.... soo thats where my friend found me: wet hair braided with a headband plopped on my head, hanging out in a sunny spot sitting on the floor in a corner of borders, deeply interested in my new find. i had to get it.
so judge me if you must, (it's totally okay since I don't actually have anyone following my blog)
but on the rare chance that someone actually stumbles upon my little ole blog and wants to give me some dating advice as i attempt to get back out there, feel free and be kind :)