And maybe I am. But I prefer to look at it as an adventure. A do over to live my life the way I had intended to live it before I let someone elses opinions change my direction and sent me on a course I was hesitant to take in the first place. because that chapter in my life is closed, and has been for quite some time now.
Last night, at my farewell shindig, I was talking with an old friend I've known since kindergarten who happened to be in town for the holidays. She has lived in many different cities and is now planning on moving again in may when she finishes school. She was telling us about how she picked this new city, despite only visiting it once during a long weekend, because it just felt right to her. She could see herself living a life there. It was one of those places that felt more like home to her than our actual hometown.
I know that feeling. That's how I've picked my places too. That's how I ended up going to college in providence all those years ago after only spending one day there, for a few hours, and only with the intention of attending an open admissions day and applying for the miami campus, but being miami was a plane ride away, driving to rhode island seemed more logical.
I went, and saw a possibility of a future there. I did end up visiting the miami campus a few weeks later, hating it and immediately deciding on attending the providence one instead.
Because that's how I make my choices. On a whim, based on a feeling. And it works for me. This move might be for a few months or it could be for a few years. You never know. Maybe I'll get a dream offer for a job in charleston, sc and up and go. Maybe I meet someone who changes my life and they want to move to austin. maybe i finally can save up enough money to travel abroad and end up staying in europe for a year, or two or three. maybe, i'll bump into Prince Harry and he falls madly in love with me.
Hey, a girl can dream right?
The fact of the matter is that I made this choice and now i'm sticking to it. i'm going back to a place that I loved living in, love going back to, love the way i feel when i'm there. i'll give it my best chance, because really, that's what life is all about isn't it...taking chances? there's no guarantees that it will all work out, that i will be instantly happier, that everything will suddenly fall into place, but really what do i have to lose?
we were all given a life, and it's up to us to live it. fill it up. appreciate it and make it count.
so yeah, maybe my plan isn't solid. maybe i don't have all the details set in stone. but that's part of the fun of it all. it wouldn't be an adventure if i was completely planning on following a roadmap.
with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams