Work hard, play harder

As I like to do every few months or so (mostly after attending another wedding alone actually), I sign myself up for online dating. Why, I'm not really sure because really I've read entirely too many books that have ruined me from ever meeting anyone any other way besides some hopelessly romantic comedy scenario like our dogs leashes intertwine at the dog park or something and our eyes lock and we fall madly in love in an instant. Now don't ask me how I actually expect that to happen since I neither walk my dog, on a leash or at all, nor do we go to dog parks (this makes me sound really neglectful as a dog mommy but he runs wild in our yard all day and night thanks to his fancy doggy door. If I tried to take him anywhere on a leash he'd probably look at me like...mom, what's happening right now?). But anyway one of these days this sort of thing is bound to happen right? Right. 

In the meantime, online dating I will go. And you know what I've noticed besides the fact that apparently I'm equally undesirable as my online version of myself as I am in real life, but some guys really have no clue. And so I present to you the following findings of things I have questions about: 

- " I work hard and play harder" ....really, what does this mean and why do people say it? 

-profile pictures of your car. Unless you're telling me you're a transformer I could care less. You know what I'd like to see a picture of? You, to make sure you don't have three heads. 

-speaking of pictures...why do you post pictures of you with tons of girls? Bonus points if the girls are scantily clad. Like...is that your sister? The at risk youth you volunteer with? I have no idea because you don't include captions. And really if you're so popular with the ladies, why aren't you dating one of them? Unless you already did soooo...

-what's with the creepy, obnoxious or just lame usernames? "Thekingnumba1" isn't winning you any points. Neither is "theoneurlookingfor_6969" I mean really? You know which also doesn't work? "Noonelikesme" or "youwontmsgmeneway" um ok. You sound like lots of fun. 

-and last but not least: messaging me " hey sexy mama here's my number, hit me up if you want to get to know each other" first of off, yuck. Why are you calling me sexy mama? Is my name not working for you? And secondly, why would you think I'd call a person I don't know when I'd barely give my number to a guy I'm actually looking at in real life at a bar. Does that work for you? Do girls actually text you like that? 

And that folks concludes my online dating experience so far for today. Also, does it make me a bad person if a guy who says his interests are playing dungeons and dragons, going to reenactments, posting weird pictures of himself laying down, and uses a lot of exclamation points (hi! I'm Steve! How are you! You seem nice!) messages me and I just don't want to reply? Survey says: I'm a b word. #reasonswhyimstillsingle

With a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

xo

one.

So on Friday, after being called "mommy" no less than ten times, and feeling like a big germy mess, I desperately wanted a margarita.

anyway, I had plans with a new friend who had to cancel so I figured is proceed with my happy hour plans on my own. I hopped on a bus and began one of what I hope to be many nyc happy hour adventures. I went to my friends place of employment and stuffed myself full of two margaritas and guacamole, and an interesting thought occurred to me: I was alone, but I wasn't lonely.The whole place had filled up around me, with groups it couples, so close to me that I actually scootched my chair over a little to the left so we wouldn't bump elbows, but I was alone. 

And you know what? I really didn't mind it. I caught up with friends via text, I read a book, I people watched, I talked myself into ordering a quesadilla, and I wrote a lovely, thought provoking margarita induced post which I later lost somewhere between hitting "save draft" and attempting to hail a taxi on my own for the first time ever. 

I'm not a stranger to solo activities. I haven't quite mastered going to the movies on my own but I've got shopping, dining, and road tripping down pat. And maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe being able to recognize a friendship within myself is another blessing to count on Sundays.

Well hello there

Testing, testing, is anyone still out there? 

If you are, props to you for sticking around. I haven't posted in months, and for a bit before that too apparently. Who knows why since I sure have had a lot to say and enough time to write it in between my train, subway, bus, plane and horse and buggy commute to and from work. 

Oh work? You must be asking what the heck I'm doing with my life these days..well I got a job. Teaching. Pre k. So I'm molding the minds of tomorrow one hug at a time. 

I don't have much anything new to report really. I'm still "finding myself", still single, still looking for my own romantic comedy with a happy ending. Still searching for answers to so many puzzling questions like why do people listen to their music so loud at 6am on the train, or why the nickname for William is bill, OR why harem pants are a thing. 

Basically that's what I've been doing.  If you're still here, then thanks. I'm back, and ready to share my random thoughts if anyone's still interested. 

With a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams. 

xo

Sarah

seashells & seaweed

almost every day after camp I make a valiant attempt to go to the beach, because really I feel like it's a disservice to myself if I don't go considering I live about ten minutes away from some pretty beautiful beaches.

anyway, today while in the middle of a serious thinking session that really had no place during beach time, I was interrupted by the most adorable little boy, Christopher. He came up to me and held out a seashell, so I figured he was giving it to me. I asked him "is that for me?" and he cracked up, says no! and ran away.  I went back to pondering my life and all that nonsense when suddenly there he was again, running up to me. this time he held out a seashell and said "I got you something!" I made a big fuss over it, thanked him and off he went. I pulled out my kindle and got back to the chapter I had to tear myself away from last night...and then he was back. This little kid continued to bring me his "treasures" until I had a good pile sitting in my lap: a piece of driftwood, a clump of seaweed, shells, broken bits, rocks. He'd show me, tell me he brought it for me, laugh and then off he'd go. his grandma called to me "looks like you made a friend!" yeah, and I didn't mind one bit.

and you know what? he totally made my day. this little boy randomly decided to start sharing his treasures with me and didn't even know how his kindness warmed my heart.

kids are so funny.

bet ya bottom dollarrrrrr, that tomorrowwwww

When I was going into fourth grade my parents were going through some tough financial times and  because of that we moved and I had to switch schools. (It's weird hearing about things from your parents point of view years down the road. To hear my parents talk about this period in our lives, I was completely oblivious to the financial struggles they were dealing with on a daily basis. Like completely naïve. It makes me feel guilty and bratty, but it can't change that now, just trying to be more aware in the present)

Anyway, in my town we have about six elementary schools so really it wasn't a big huge deal, but for me it definitely was. I was shy, I was leaving my best friend, and teachers I loved. Not to mention the boy who was my absolutely, can't breathe, can't sleep, one true love Scott L . Because you know, you totally know you're in love when your 8. (Awkward, if people actually read this and know who he is..I'm embarrassed for my 8 year old self) So there I was my first week of 4th grade and I get pulled out of my school and plopped into my new one. In my new kid welcome packet I got a pencil that said "School 8 is great!" which I then proceeded to change the words and went around saying " I hate School 8" for about three weeks.

Clearly, while being shy, I was also prone to theatrics.

SO somehow my parents got the idea to sign me up for this drama playhouse thing for kids, where my best friend and I would go once a week after school and take drama classes, culminating in showcase performance for an audience. So week after week we went and practiced and I debated the absolute huge decision of if I would belt out Annie's "Tomorrow" or be really epic and recite this huge poem that was like three pages in our drama books. I decided on the poem because 10 other girls were going to sing "Tomorrow" and practiced until I knew every word by heart. Cut to the night before our performance when we were doing the dry run. We were all told to line up in order, go out on stage when our names were called, announce our names and the title of what we were doing stand for a few minutes and then walk off. No practicing of our actual performance. AND GUESS WHAT?! I was picked to go first. So there we are the night of our performance...they call my name, I was so pumped...I walked out to that stage, looked out into the bright lights of my acting debut and said......: "Hi I'm Sarah, and I'm going to recite insertnameofrandompoemhere", gave a bigggggg smile, took a bow.....and walked off stage.

cricket, cricket.


it took me walking off stage, behind the curtain and down the stairs to the wings where everyone in my group was waiting before I realize I didn't actually recite my poem.

right. awkward.

SO I had to turn myself around, go back onto the stage and give myself a do over. without crying of embarrassment, which was a feat in itself.

what's the point of this long winded trip down memory lane to my very first acting debut you may be asking yourself?

.......whenever I'm on an interview and I get asked my very first question and am expected to essentially perform for this stranger to demonstrate my talents and capabilities-- well, I turn into that 8 year old girl who got caught up in the glare of the spotlights, completely blanked, and can't remember what she's supposed to be doing.

but as my 8 year old self discovered that night, all you have to do is take a deep breath, look straight out into the crowd, and fake it til you make it. and then give a bigggg smile when you're done. and that's what I did today, during my teaching demo lesson that I was so nervous I thought I'd drown in my sweat.


the end.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams
xo


{random: but one of my favorite memories with my family is during out first night in our new house (which is now our old house...we move A LOT), when the four of us slept on blankets on the floor in what would be our living room, that was actually this huge double parlor, all together like we were camping because our furniture wasn't unpacked yet}

p.s. have you liked my facebook page  yet? go for it!

"Life is really just beautiful moments, one after the other"

I'm linking up with Lisette & Catalyn for their Just Because blog hop and thought this was a good post to share for today..just because we could all use a reminder to value our every days a little more.



So when I see a lot of people sharing the same videos over and over again on Facebook, I usually try to hold myself back from clicking the links just incase it's a virus or some other such nonsense. but yesterday I felt drawn to this one link I kept seeing so I clicked it, and I think after watching it...

I feel changed.

 

here, watch it for yourself: My Last Days: Meet Zach Sobiech

 

If you know me, you know that I am absolutely terrified of dying. If we start talking about it, even if I am alone and start thinking of it, one thought leads to another and I panic...it's an awful thing, an irrational fear since it's an inevitable fate for us all. I'm learning how to cope with this fear but honestly I don't know how everyone else isn't walking around constantly panicking about this as well, but that's another post for another day.

 

watching this video, learning about someone who knew he was dying every single day with a very real ending, it just moved me.

 

Things I learned from Zach Sobiech: someone I had never even heard of until his passing on Monday, and yet I feel like he has left us with such a profound message.

 

"life is really just beautiful moments, one after the other"

 

watching him reflect on his life, and prepare for his death mystified me. He wasn't angry, or bitter, and while some might say those are feelings he might have showed off camera...I think he really was at peace with what was happening and I envy that. He was living every single day as much as possible, not letting it pass him by. he loved his life. he loved his family. he loved his friends. and he let them all know. he touched the lives of those around him, and now so many more. there's just so much he touches upon through this video that to me, I find deeply profound for someone who is so young, but seems so much wiser than people I know ten years older than him.

 

" It's really simple actually, just try and make people happy"

 

 he talks about teens and their view on being invincible which is so true. how many times have I heard my high school students talk about things as if danger doesn't exist for them, as if they're immortal. He talks about people being afraid of death and the unknown and puts it in a whole new perspective that I've never thought of.

 

" it's kind of like sitting in the dark so you could just be freaking out in the dark thinking about what's out there, or you could just relax and fall asleep, and just be happy and content with everything"

 

here is the special music video for his song clouds made for him by celebrities and friends if you'd like to see it.

 

and perhaps the most important message he left the world with:

 

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living" - Zach Sobiech

 

rest peacefully Zach.

 

start living people.

 

 

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

 

Sarah

adding up your blessings will multiply your joy

hello out there!
is anyone still here patiently waiting for me to return to my beloved space in this blog world? if you are, my apologies for falling off the edge of the blogging map, I really have no good reason so i'll spare you my excuses. let's get right to it shall we?

 

yesterday I attended the wedding of one of my most favorite friends from college. during the speeches it was mentioned that they had been dating now for three years, and it took me back for a moment. three years? already? I remember talking to him the night of their first date and really I feel like it was just a little while ago and yet, apparently, it's been three years.

 

do you know that song from rent 525,600 minutes?  for those of you who don't it goes a little something like this:

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes

- how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

how DO you measure a year in your life? good question.

so while I was contemplating how three years have gone by for this couple I started thinking about other things that have marked the last three years in my sphere of relativity: I graduated from college again, moved away from home and out of state, and moved back. my friends have gotten married, had babies, bought houses, and gotten divorced. I have made friends, lost friends, grieved deaths, and celebrated achievements. I've had more jobs than I should admit too, and decided I'm still lost as always. I have loved deeply, had my heart broken so severely, found myself slipping to a very bottom I had only read about in books, and slowly built myself back up little by little. I started this blog three years ago, right before my 25th birthday, and yet just last week I celebrated my 28th year in this world.

Three years have just passed me by, and I'm not quite sure how. I can recall profound moments that feel as if they are freeze framed in my memory as instances in which the course of my life was being changed at that very moment the memory was being made. I can recall moments that seem completely ordinary, and yet hold some significant meaning to me. I have laughed uncontrollably, embarrassed myself so much I hoped the floor would swallow me up. I've made choices I instantly regretted the moment after saying yes, and danced into the wee hours of the morning not caring who was watching. I've done many things, and yet not enough things, lived my life, and also withdrew into myself.

three years have passed and I've found myself- grown into my own person, but at the same time am as undecided about what I want to do in my life as I was when I was 25, or 20, maybe more so now then when I was 15. but that's okay.

here's what I do know: I want to live. I want to know, that at the very end of my life, I have experienced every wonderful thing I could, in my power and within reason, experience. I want to be happy, and feel fulfilled. I want to have made a difference to someone. at least one person.

so what have I been doing the last three years? however many minutes, moments,  and memories that adds up to?

I've been living moments.


with an heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams

Sarah