Wednesday, October 12, 2011

tips of the day part 2!

So about a month ago I wrote a post about " my tips of the day". When you end up spending a couple of hours in the car with only yourself for company you find that you can make lists for practically everything by collecting tons of random thoughts you had during a seemingly average day, hence, my tips of the day. So here's my second edition of....(drumroll pleaseeee) Sarah's Tips of the Day! 

#1: be kind to the people who make your food, bag your groceries, and clean your bathrooms. They are providing you a service you’re too lazy to do yourself. Don’t be stingy and don’t feel entitled or you may find a surprise in your salad, a few cracked eggs in the carton, or a strange smell coming from somewhere in your household.

#2: Keep your pda’s and relationship issues to a minimum. If you feel like confessing your love on fb, bbm, twitter, MySpace and basically everywhere else that is a type of public forum---don’t get mad when people comment on your relationship, judge you, or find you annoying. You made it public; I don’t see any reason to expect boundaries on my opinion when you decided to give a play by play of every single cute/wonderful/awful/mean thing your current love has done this week.
#3: Be kind, rewind. Return things in the same condition you borrowed them in or better. Nothings worse than reading a book and getting to a page covered in some unknown substance.

#4: Karmas a bitch. Don’t kill spiders, push little children, or cheat on loved ones. One day you’ll wake up with pink eye, a giant pimple on the day of an important event or two flat tires.

#5. For all you “fml”ers out there: stfu...(haha, see what I did there?) Your bad hair day/overslept and late to work/hate for your job/crybaby issues are not that serious. Here’s an idea: be happy you’re alive—it's a privilege denied to many.

#6: if the only time you speak to me is to talk about yourself, your problems, or your amazing life and never ask about mine, I will stop answering you. Enjoy speaking to my voicemail or dead air. Because I'm not texting you back either.

#7: appreciate your parents for one single reason: they wiped your butt for you when you couldn’t. If it wasn’t for them you’d be chilling in your own human excrement. And no one likes the smelly kid. So you don’t have to love them, or even like them, but just remember they cleaned your poop. Unless you had a nanny who did it instead. In that case forget your parents and send that nanny a fruit basket because flowers die and are just useless. (disclaimer here, I hope everyone reading this had good parents, or a guardian or someone to care for them.)

#8: don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. Sure sureee, its all fun and games until someone turns up with a bun in the oven or itchy parts. Take a good long look at that stranger you are about to get naked in front of: do they really look like a good idea? Do you know their first pet’s name, what they wanted to be when they grew up or even if they wash their hands after they use the bathroom? No you don’t know the answers to those questions? So then maybe you should be a big boy or girl and keep your pants on. Use your imagination and call it a day.

That's all for now folks. I've got a pie baking in the oven and my parents just walked in so it's time to serve it up.

Be brave loves,

No comments:

Post a Comment

say hello :)