Saturday, October 8, 2011

when i grow up

"Go to college, a university, get a real job..that's what they said to me" -good charlotte

I've been to four colleges, one I've even been to more than once. I have three degrees. I've had 11 majors, countless minors and concentrations, spent too many summers taking four classes at a time and spent a total of seven years as an undergrad. And I still have to go to grad school, but I can't really think about that right now. After all that time and money and too many all nighters to count, an awful internship at the radisson hotel with my best friend, a semester student teaching and working at a restaurant at the same time, I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.

Seriously, most days I don't have a clue. After participating in a whole bunch of focus groups in high school I wanted to be an advertising genius so I was a communications major. I used to want to open up a cafe, one that people would go to to hang out filled with garage sale finds, good music and awesome food. So I transferred schools and went for a restaurant management degree...but that was right after i had been on the hotel management track. I took event planning classes when I realized I loved planning parties, a travel and tourism class after I had an idea that maybe I could turn my urge to travel into a get my point. In may, I graduated with an elementary education degree after I realized I'd rather be working with kids than running a kitchen, because really I was not good at it.

So here I am now. I work at the same after school program my brother and I went to our entire childhood -I worked the camp version of it this summer. If I could do it full time year round I would. I've applied for teaching jobs and haven't even gotten a call back, but really that's not much of a shock since every other person I know is an unemployed teacher. I wonder if I had gone the culinary track instead if I'd be happier right now, but what's done is done. I like to be able to give kids a place where they can be kids, a safe haven for those who may not have that environment at home...but sometimes the thought of actually being responsible for teaching them curriculum terrifies me. Read them stories, talk about their lives, play games, teach them how to be kind and respectful, how to express themselves, things like that? all that is a piece of cake to me.

im at a crossroads in my life and i'm at a loss on which direction to go towards now. I feel deadlocked in my current place in life because I can't move without money, and I'm not making enough money currently to add up to a savings that makes moving possible. I feel like if I don't move I will never get to where I see myself in life. I've had enough educational and work experience that makes me feel a little entitled to a job I'm qualified for and not one to just get a paycheck from.  I rely on my parents too much when really I'm at an age that I should be able to provide for myself...or atleast thats what I saw myself doing years ago when 26 seemed like almost a lifetime away. I just wish I could wake up and just know what to do, what path to take to get me where I want to be. Some clue as to how I can help myself get back on the right path of feeling hopeful and believing that I can make my dreams a reality.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? I guess I'll let you know when I figure it out.

be brave loves,

1 comment:

  1. love this post. i feel the same way to the millionith degree, especially the bottom half. thanks


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