Wednesday, December 21, 2011

They're airbrushed, and you're air breathing

"You have to start with confidence. Not bravado, not bluster, but confidence. This book is as much about losing your fear as anything else. If you want to be scared silly of being rejected and feeling vulnerable, of being too fat or too tall or too noisy or too quiet, you're going to be alone, because I'll tell you everybody's dirty little secret: If we let ourselves, we'd all be frightened all the time. It's not that there are brave people and cowards; it's that there are people who decide their fear is too heavy and can and should be left behind. These people go on with their lives: They focus on other people, have fun, have sex, have picnics, have colds, and even have doubts. But the emphasis is on doing, not on worrying. Checking out the latest movie star's pecs or bosoms is not a way to start dating. They're airbrushed, and you're air breathing, so let's get on with it. "

-- Excerpt from Chapter 2, Being Confident, Dating for Dummies


this is where i am now.

i've decided to be one of those people. the one who leave their fear behind. and go on.

i'm starting a new chapter in my life. it's probably why i'm so intent on moving before the new year.

my entire life i've believed the way you ring in the new year will determine how your year goes from that point on. i wear new underwear. i get my eyebrows done. i make plans to be doing something with people i care about. i call my parents.
when the ball drops i concentrate on being happy, no matter what.
because that's how i want to start every single one of my new years. not so much fresh, from scratch..
but happy.
anyway, i digress since this isnt't a post about my new years plans...but still.

how does one become more confident?

this is a lifelong thing i've struggled with. when i was little my parents signed me up for drama classes to help me get over my shyness.

clearly, it did wonders for me.

anyway. i'm going to read my little book and take notes.

because guess what my friends?

i've decided to start dating. yes i realize that in order to start dating there have to be people who are interested. and to meet people who are interested, one must go out, into the world and meet them.

so that's what i plan on doing. going out into the world and talking to strangers...
just not in the totally creepy, take candy from strangers in a white van way.

but i will make time in my life to actually have one. i wont always stay in, i wont always say i can't afford it as an excuse to stay home. i wont always say my clothes don't fit, or it was too long of  a day or i have to get up too early the next day.

life isn't just waiting on pause for me to show up and
decideto take part in it.
 it's happening every day, all around me. people are going places,
seeing things, moving away, moving back.
falling in love. growing up. falling apart.finding themselves.

so really, this post isn't about me dating. or about me moving.

it's about me, finding myself.

getting my ducks in a row-- as a kind friend said to me just a few moments ago as i was writing this.

letting go of my fears, my past, whatevers been holding me back.

just plain moving on.

so yes, i'm reading my book and taking notes, storing things in my brain to pull out for later use.
 but theyre just notes and just ideas about facing life...and you can't learn it all from a book,
somethings you have to learn through trial and error,
by taking chances, by not doing your norm,
by looking at each day like it's the day that can change your life for the better,
that it might be the best day of your life,
that something magical might happen,
by facing it one day at a time.
 making the most of every single day, every situation, every random chance encounter i have.

do i need to learn to be confident in order to meet someone? to find the perfect job? to make new friends? to show people how wonderful i really am? no.

because all that will happen when the time is right.
one day i will meet someone who wants to know more about me because i laughed at a joke no one else thought was funny, because i smiled at them, because i said thank you when they held the door for me as they were coming in, because i showed up somewhere with a plate of cookies, or because i'm reading a book instead of jabbing away on my cell phone.

that someone may be the love of my life. they may be my new friends in a new city. they may be someone who walks the same path i do every day, or has an empty seat at a table and dosen't mind me asking to sit down.

i need to be confident for myself.
so here i am. leaving my fears behind. moving one week from today.
leaving my family even if theyre still stuggling with thinking it's all a bad idea, and worrying about whether or not i'll be ok. even if i'm a little bit worried i may be making a mistake. even when i'm not really sure what i want to do with my career, or how i can find a way to incorporate all the things i love into something i can live off of.
even if i dont know if i'll meet someone next month or next year.

because you know what?

i'll make it work. i'll make the best of the life i was given, i will enjoy my life for myself.
because no one else is going to do it for me.
i'm the only one holding myself back.

and i've had enough.

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams


1 comment:

  1. So proud of you! You'll realize this step is just another step leading you to all the great things coming your way..but it all starts with that first step! It gets so much easier, too..have tons of fun on your new adventure :)


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