Saturday, December 3, 2011

gut instincts.

hey there.

i have the weirdest feeling right now and it's making me feel super off.

i think it's because i missed my dad's phone call before he boarded his flight today and didn't get to talk to him.

i have a thing about talking to my parents immediately before they get onto a plane. if i don't speak to them i literally spend every second until i know they're safe on land again feeling uneasy and freaking out. kind of like i have been since i missed my dads phone call tonight.

it's just something that reassures me. like a ritual that NEEDS to happen every single time.

i dont know. i have these things that i start doing and i can't help it, i just feel compelled.

when i first moved back home and was starting a new job, i used to say the same prayer over and over again at exactly 7 am, until i pulled into the parking lot. i was convinced that if i didn't say it, i would have an awful day.

every year on new years i used to panic if i wasn't back home with my family by midnight. even if i was out at a party with my friends, I had to leave and be home before midnight with my parents and little brother, otherwise i was convinced something bad would happen.
when i lived out of state i had to adjust my "get home before midnight" ritual to call my parents and be on the phone with them at exactly midnight.

when i worked in the city, i used to carry the same prayer card in my pocket every single day.
just because.

sometimes i get these feelings like i know something is about to happen before it does.
i know what a letter is going to say before i open it. i know when a friend is about to tell me she's pregnant. i know when someone is going to propose. i've heard of a place and felt the future i would have there, even if the thought of going there had never occured to me before. ive met someone and felt the relationship we were going to have, with barely knowing them for five minutes. i've said goodbye to a person and have known i would never see them again. ive missed being in a serious accident because i decided not to go at the last minute. 

just feelings..  premonitions maybe?
maybe i just know how to read peoples body language, maybe it's just timing..
who knows...i just get these feelings.

yesterday i told my brother i knew something i am sort of dreading
was going to be happening soon.
why do you think that, he asked.
 i just have a feeling.
i get these feelings sometimes and i can feel them, deep down, in my soul really, it feels like.

yeah i know. it's weird. i'm weird.
or maybe i'm not. maybe im not the only one who feels this way sometimes.
slightly superstitious, someone who believes in signs, intuition.
trusting your gut.

hmm. hows that for a random thoughts post?

with a heart full of hope & a mind full of dreams




  1. I know what you mean! You're not weird at all, my sister is the same way. I'm sure your dad will safely land.

  2. i have things like that too...i am highly superstitious and have rituals i do to (hopefully) prevent something bad from happening. i have those 'premenontions' if you will. i can usually tell when people are going to tell me certain news. and when i watch TV (like the drama shows) i always knows what happens...i tell my husband i should get paid for this stuff since i'm almost always right! haha


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